TOW Rachel and Chandler Have Lunch
by Champers
Summary: Chapter 15. R&R gently :- purlease. Ps - the end is in sight! x
1. Chapter 1

The sequel to TOW Rachel & Chandler at Ross' Apartment

I do not own these wonderful characters, I just like playing with them like puppets.

I made a conscious decision at first to adhere to canon but I think I may just forget that!

Please feel free to r&r.

**Later that day the morning after the night before...you get the picture...**

Chandler had, quite literally, dragged himself to the office that day. He grunted Hello at Helen, who, with an innate and motherly appreciation of his needs that Chandler always took for granted, immediately swept to the coffee maker and filled a mug for him.

At times like this Chandler really did feel he was a fake in the executive world. He should be messing around in the mailroom not crunching numbers with a fantastic view of Manhattan.

When the phone rang he groaned inwardly.  
"Chandler, there's a young lady on the line," Helen's clipped tones signalled disapproval.  
"Put her on hold a minute would you, Helen?" Chandler thought that if he had to talk to an irked Kathy he should sip some coffee first. Before the mug reached his lips the phone flashed again.  
"Yes?"  
Helen ."There's _another _young lady for you on Line 2."  
Crap. He presumed it was Rachel. Or Kathy. Maybe Rachel was on line 1.   
Which was on which line? And why after years of female drought and,well, Janice, do two of them arrive at once ?

"Helen, tell them both I am in a meeting."

Outside, he knew Helen was tutting, she knew he was going to be In A Meeting all morning.  
Coward, he said to himself, and banged his head on the desk in frustration - only in a gentle fashion, because he had a hangover, and not enough sleep.

He would phone the girls later. In his heart he knew that there were things to say, if only he could muster the courage.

_When your lonely heart has learned its lesson,  
You'd be his, if only he'd call;  
In the wee small hours of the morning -  
That's the time you miss him most of all._

Rachel was slumped on the table. This irritated Monica, mostly because it was just, well, so untidy. Not to mention the germs. Monica suspected - no _knew_ - that Rachel hadn't showered yet this morning and goodness only knows what kind of bacteria she had been subjected to, first at the sports game and then at the boys' apartment last night.   
Rachel had crashed home at around 7am having, by her own admission, passed out across the hall in the small hours and woken in a panic. And now there she was, groaning and clutching the phone, and asking for coffee.  
"Are you calling in sick? " Monica's tone was sharp.  
"Bbllllfffghhhhhh."  
"Rachel. Wake _up_."  
"Bbbbbllffghhhhhh!"  
"Not good enough, Green!"  
Rachel jumped up, alarmed at Monica's shrillness.  
"I'm calling in sick, okay. I can have a Personal Day, right ?"  
"Bloomingdales offer those ?"  
Rachel looked quizzical. "Yes. Of course. I think. Maybe not. What the heck. Old Mrs Huffnagel can reschedule." pause. "Mon, I'm taking the phone to my room, bring some English muffins in ?"

She pretended to ignore Mon's rolling eyes ...

Rachel stared at the handset and then at her address book and then at the handset again, willing it to ring before she decided to dial. _They_ always called.  
But then he never said he would call, he didn't need to, it wasn't a date was it ? And she'd see him in the coffee shop as ever. But it had been a crazy kind of night and she felt there was a conversation to be had about it.

She tapped hard and took a deep cleansing breath and spluttered out her words as Helen answered "Chandler Bing's office".

"HitherecanIspeaktoChandlerplease."  
"I'm sorry?"  
"CanIspeaktoChandlerplease?"  
Helen put her on hold and Rachel drummed her fingers while she waited - rather too long she felt- to be connected to Chandlerplease.  
Finally. "I'm sorry, he's in a meeting, may I take a message?"  
"Tell him Rachel called."

Well, that was done, and she lay back on her bed and closed her eyes, partly to daydream and partly because her head hurt. What's happening here? she asked herself. Her ordinary world was suddenly looking different, and the ball of confused emotions that was knotting in her stomach didn't help her dehydrated mind.

Chandler looked at his messages. Among the "Bing, where's your WENIS evaluation?" and "Don't forget to clear up the ANUS" stuff there was-  
_Rachel called._  
and  
_Kathy says you can pick up the tickets in the theatre lobby, they're expecting you._  
He loved Kathy, he honestly did, he had been more passionate about winning her than any other girl he had ever known; but now he had spent quality time with Rachel he wondered if the thrill was all in the chase after all. Was that why Joey never stood still when it came to girls ?

If I call Rachel, what do I say? What does she want me to say? What is she thinking ? Exactly what _did _happen last night ?

Back in her bedroom when the phone trilled at her Rachel grabbed it nervously.  
"Rache?"  
"Hey! how's your head?"  
"Sore. You called?"  
"I did."  
Pregnant pause.  
"Want lunch?" she said, finally.  
"Tomorrow?"  
"Tomorrow."

_Chandler:_  
We're going to Beefsteak Charlie's.  
Me and her, we've always been ... you know ...  
I am meeting her for lunch. I feel like crap.   
I really want to see her.

_Rachel:_  
He's sad, I am sad.  
We're meeting for lunch.

Why do I feel like I am a very bad girl ? I haven't done anything_...yet_. Yet? Rachel green, what's _wrong _with you ?

I can't wait.


	2. Chapter 2

_How could you give your love to someone else and share your dreams with me?_

_Sometimes the very thing you're looking for, is the one thing you can't see._

**Rachel's pov**

He greeted her warmly with a peck on the cheek, but he looked exhausted, his blue eyes uncharacteristically sad, his shoulders low. It crossed her mind that perhaps he didn't have the energy for this lunch but she could somehow tell that he really did want to be there.  
Beefsteak Charlie's really came alive in the evenings but it was a fast and fun place to do lunch. She only ever came here with Chandler; Ross looked down on its basic menu as a date place, Phoebe couldn't come here on account of everything having meat in it (even the desserts); Monica thought it wasn't clean enough; and Joey couldn't very often afford it.  
They made small talk 'til the food came; finally Rachel decided she couldn't avoid the big issue any longer.  
"You saw Kathy's play last night, I hear."  
"Yeah."he hung his head. "She's cheating on me."  
"Chandler, you don't know that.'" (And how do you think would Kathy feel if she knew I woke up in your bed three nights ago ? she added silently.)  
She stabbed at her chicken Caesar salad as if it deserved punishment.  
"This guy - her leading man - he's -"  
"What ? what is he?"  
"Better than me."  
Rachel couldn't decide if he was simply self effacing or just a defeatist. What should she say? She had seen a glimpse,felt a spark, between them the other night, and now all was dark confusion again in her heart.  
She sighed.  
"Didn't the other night mean anything to you?" (had she really spoken those words?)  
He smiled and his face actually lit up.  
"It was the nicest night I have had in a long time."Pause."Even if we didn't _do it._"  
She snorted Coke through her nose at the return of glib Chandler.  
"No. You have to win me like a Knight of old first...oh, and you have to be single."  
She wondered if she had said too much. Part of her didn't care; sometimes you have to take risks.  
"Well, I'll bear that in mind."  
She wished she knew what was in his head.

**Chandler's pov **

Chandler wished he knew what Rachel was thinking.

Just three nights ago she had fallen asleep with him in his bed, cupped like spoons, and vanished before he woke, and he had felt like a limb had gone missing while he slept. It somehow mattered so much despite being nothing really, just a night of too much Tequila and good company. there was no future. He had a proper grown up relationship to deal with and he had to tackle that first. First ? What did that mean?  
Was that it ? Was he in reality looking for excuses to forge a way out ?  
But he loved Kathy.  
But ... Rachel.

Yes, the other night was great, one of the nights I will always remember.  
He didn't say this aloud.

_"You'd have to be single."_  
The words rang in his ears. But this wasn't just any girl; this was _Rachel_. **Ross's** Rachel. His friends. joey, whom he as good as betrayed to be with Kathy in the first place. But how do you manage what you feel? How can you help it ?

Damn. It was likely she didn't feel the same anyway.

He realised he was an unusually quiet lunch partner, but hey, he didn't have to entertain all the time,what rule said that he did?

"We'll do lunch again soon,"he said as they parted. "But I think I'll have a few things to deal with in the next couple of days."

They looked directly into each others' eyes and an almost magnetic pull drew them close; lips a heartbeat apart, Rachel closed her eyes and opened her mouth everso slightly.

Chandler leaned in and with all his moral strength, chose to kiss her cheek.

"Lunch again. Soon."  
"Yes." Her disappointment was hidden in her overly bright smile.  
"Soon," she breathed to herself as she watched him head back to his office.  
"Soon," he whispered as he deliberately didn't look back.

_Like a sweet magnolia tree my love blossomed tenderly..._

**Chandler's pov**

It was the cheerleader outfit that broke him.

The party was over and there she was,all busted lip and tears and knee socks, sitting on the step. As there was room for another pathetic loser, he joined her. She looked cute and sad and it was then that he knew that he wanted to spend time with her,wanted more than friendship.

It had been a tempestuous few weeks. Having ruined his relationship with Kathy, he made a fool of himself over Janice; but Rachel had done the same for the sake of Joshua. He felt they were in the same place. 

So sitting in the step, in empathic loser's silence, they glanced at one another, and both smiled, she as broadly as she could given the ice pack on her mouth.

"What is wrong with us?" she said finally.  
"Nothing."  
"It always seems to be left to you and me, asking what went wrong."  
"I guess." He looked at her.  
"Lunch tomorrow?" she smiled, and winced.  
"Tomorrow's Sunday."  
"Does that make a difference?"  
He paused . "I guess not..it just seems more like a ..well, a -"  
"-a date?"  
He nodded.  
"Is that a problem?"  
He thought of Ross. Ross, who was with Emily now.  
"No,no it isn't."  
Borne by a sudden swelling of affection in his heart he leaned over and kissed her mouth as gently as he could; and her eyes welled with tears.  
"Hey..." He was struck with a fear he didn't like.  
She shook her head and smiled. "Tomorrow."  
And she kissed him back.

But there was more in her head and Chandler knew it. Maybe it was time to resurrect those barriers.


	3. Chapter 3

_Let it never be said that romance is dead,_

_Cos there's so little else occupying my head._

Phoebe did alot of people watching these days. It was Sunday and they were all draped over the sofa at the coffee house, except for Phoebe who was kind of half slumped half sitting balancing a plate of muffins on her not inconsiderable belly. She despatched Joey to get her an herbal tea and watched Chandler talking in a low whisper to Rachel. She strained to hear but couldn't quite make out what they were saying, what with the hum of conversations around her and that annoying little voice that sometimes - as now- sang in her head.  
She had a feeling something was afoot. And she didn't mean that thing with the wiggly bits on that was at the end of her leg, those things she couldn't see anymore. Her sixth or seventh sense was out of whack, she wasn't sure which one it was, off kilter. Kilter ? Was that even a word? It sounded like it meant a man who made Scottish men's skirts. She involuntarily shook her head and tried to concentrate her thoughts.  
The babies shifted and kicked and she wondered which one would exit first.  
She narrowed her eyes and tried to gauge Rachel's aura but it just wasn't working. Then she saw Rachel touch Chandler's arm and was certain he smiled softly back in a way she had never seen him look at Rachel before.  
"Mmmmmmm."  
"Pheebs?" Rachel turned her attention to Phoebe.  
"Mmmmmmmm-ufffins.I always feel sorry for the crumbs that get left behind."  
"Oookay...".  
If there was one thing Phoebe knew she could do (and to be honest, she knew she could do anything she wanted) it was hide her kookiness with kookiness.

Herbal tea. What was _that _about ? thought Joey as he passed the cup to Phoebe. Why would anyone drink it? Maybe it was a pregnant thing. Although he couldn't recall any of his sisters having drunk anything like that while expecting. Beer, maybe, but nothing 'herbal'.  
He looked hungrily at Phoebe's muffins. Could he take one without her noticing? He stretched out his hand but she slapped it and he knew when he was beaten.  
Staring into the air in the vague direction of where Chandler was sitting next to Rachel, he was thinking, I hope so so much that the free porn channel is still there when I get back to the apartment, when he suddenly saw Rachel stroke Chandler's arm. It surprised him so much that he spluttered out a gulp of coffee and it went back into the mug.  
"Urgh! Joey!" admonished Monica, passing him a Kleenex with which to wipe his chin.  
Obediently he cleaned his face, and looked over at his roomie, with a Daytime Soap suspicious look on his face.  
"Joe, do you have a cramp?" asked Chandler, amused.  
Ross arrived and saved Joey from having to decide what to say.

Ross walked in to the coffee house in the nonchalant way he had been practising in the bathroom that morning. He had had no intention of displaying how empty he was feeling at the imminent departure of Emily but he knew that it was etched all over his face and his body language by the sympathetic (patronising?) way his sister was looking at him. It's different being nonchalant for a steamed up shaving mirror.  
"Ross, sweetie," started Monica, "I thought I would cook a traditional English roast in honour of Emily's last day, why don't you bring her over around three? We'll all be there to say goodbye, I thought it would be kinda nice." Ross wasn't sure about this. He wanted to be alone with Emily, naturally. His mind started racing with possible words to let Monica down gently.  
In a nanosecond he glanced in the direction of Chandler and Rachel, who having heard this too, were looking intently at each other as if trying to communicate without talking. Rachel narrowed her eyes at Chandler and he shrugged back at her. Ross drew in a sharp breath at this as if he had been poked with something rather pointy; but he didn't have time to analyse.  
"Well, Mon, that's great, but, um, I kind of want to say goodbye to Emily in private..."  
Monica folded her arms and pursed her lips. "I suppose. OK, you're excused.  
But I still have a pile of food for everyone else. "

Rachel spoke. She had a choice; do what control freak Mon wanted or for once, do what she , Rachel, wanted.  
"Umm, I can't be there either, honey ..."  
Monica turned and glared. "No?"  
"I have a date, I told you last night," she lied (only a little).  
"You do? You did? With who?"  
"With _whom_," Ross interjected. He paused. "I'm sorry I don't know why I do that."  
Monica repeated. "With **whom**?"  
"You know, that guy Chandler set me up with."  
"I thought that went all wrong ? "  
"Well, yeees, but after Joshua turned me down..."  
"Rachel, that was 12 hours ago..."  
"Yees.."

Chandler sensed Rachel's difficulty but it suddenly struck him that he now had to find an even better excuse.  
"I can't come either!" he piped up as Monica glared at him.  
"I'm going on Rachel's date too."  
"What?" Monica and Rachel spoke in stereo.  
Phoebe and Joey shifted uneasily.  
"Yes, we're dating twins," he stammered.  
Joey 's eyes lit up. "Twins ?"  
"Boy/girl twins , Joe."  
Phoebe chuckled. "How weird is that?"  
"Very, " added Rachel skeptically.  
"Yeah, I know! I have exactly eighteen blueberries in this muffin!"  
Monica ignored Phoebe. "So what are these twins called ?"  
Rachel looked at Chandler, who replied, "Mary Kate, and erm, Ashley."  
Monica was cross now. "Well if no-one wants to come to lunch then don't. You just have to say so. Joey can eat it all."  
Joey smiled and nodded.

Having escaped at an interval of ten minutes between their departures , Rachel and Chandler ran for about two blocks until, breathless and laughing , Chandler pulled her into a doorway and on a huge and risky impulse kissed her deeply and tenderly and lovingly. His lips were soft against hers and Rachel melted into the embrace; she tried to ignore some unspecified lingering doubt in the back of her mind because this was... too good.


	4. Chapter 4

_Everything seems to look as it should,  
But I wonder what goes on behind doors?_

Another week, another lunch.

Still on a semi platonic level, Rachel planned to meet Chandler again, and again, and again. If it frustrated him that the relationship (is that what it was?) never progressed, he never said. Not to her anyway.

And yet, who was it that she thought about in the peach-tinged early summer morning light, when she lay half awake somewhere between dreams and reality ? Who did she dream of and waking up, think, no, I want to go back, I want to be back in his embrace ? She had to answer, Chandler.

And then something big happened: Ross decided to marry Emily. 

Rachel took off for the afternoon. She had left Mrs Huffnagel paying a hefty check for an entirely inappropriate spaghetti-strapped mini dress and she didn't care. She was due to meet Chandler back at the apartment to go on to lunch 'someplace nice' and she deserved it. She had damn well earned it.

And yet ...

Not too long ago, since she had realised Ross really **was** going to marry Emily, she had wondered, was it time to tell Chandler that these 'lunches' had to stop ? There was one day just two weeks ago that she had become so determined that she turned up at his office... She would tell him , No, I still have feelings for Ross, we can't carry on, this is going nowhere .. and she had been early, and he hadn't known she was even there...and she had seen him.

There had been some kind of problem, some sort of data tangle, and the staff were in a panic over what to do. But Chandler had sorted it out. He was in charge; he was strong, he was balanced , he was clever , he was ... wonderful. In that instant she realised she couldn't judge, she couldn't dismiss him, that she wanted to have more of this Chandler that they never knew at Central Perk.

And yet that voice : _Is he really who I am meant to be with ?_

Rachel waited impatiently. It was hot for such an early summer day and as she paced nervously she could feel the beads of perspiration on her neck and her back.

Finally, he rushed in. "I'm sorry I'm late there was another -" he began but before he could finish his sentence she had placed an elegantly manicured finger on his lips, and was smiling.  
"I've always wanted to do that. I saw it once in a movie."  
He smiled back. She continued. "You know, I've been thinking, I don't feel like eating right now, it must be the weather ... "  
that connection between them clicked into place one more time and like magnets, polar opposites, they were drawn together, lips hungry just for each other. His hands were in her long so-soft hair, she felt his breath on her neck and it made her shiver in spite of the heat. She caressed his shoulders, the small of his back, while his nimble fingers began to unbutton her blouse. He glanced at her nervously as if to say, _is this okay ?_. By way of reply she moved his hand for him and he drew in a deep breath as he touched her intimately for the very, very first time.  
"Third base at long last, Green ... " he joked, because that's what he did.  
He paused. "Are you sure you want us to do what I think you want us to do ?"  
She stroked his cheek.  
"If we don't, I think I will burst."  
He laughed. "Then be gentle with me."  
Rachel locked the apartment door. "Now that, I can't promise," she teased.  
"Wait!" he said, producing his cellphone, and speed dialling work. "Jerry,- cover for me will you ? I won't be back this afternoon - something's come up..."  
That done he tossed the phone carelessly to one side, and gathered her into his arms.

Warm with the afterglow, Rachel tiptoed to the bathroom to freshen up. She ran the water until it felt ice cold and splashed her face. Staring at herself in the mirror, she wondered if she looked any different, because she felt different. Would they go public with this ? Was it simply a fling ? She didn't in fact, give herself lightly despite how it may seem. Was she in love with him? And what about Ross ? She shook her head in order to remove all the confusing and negative vibes and reminded herself, excitedly, that her new lover was still in her room.  
He was dosing lightly and she kissed his eyelids. he stirred and whispered:  
"I just had the best dream ever ..." and kissed her in a way so full of love and hope and longing that she wanted to weep.  
She kissed his fingers one by one. "These..."she said, "should be preserved for future generations of women to marvel at ..."  
"Rachel?" his tone was tad too serious.  
She looked up.  
"Where is this going? What will we tell our friends?"  
"Don't spoil this..."  
"All right. This is ours." He fixed her with his clear blue gaze. "I love you, you do know that, don't you? I always will, whatever happens between us, I will always love you and I will always be your friend."  
She didn't speak by way of response but wrapped herself around him and held him until it was time to go home.

Rachel emerged from the shower ten minutes after he had left the apartment to be aware that there was someone sitting on the couch.  
"PHEEBS!" she squealed, wrapping her robe tight around her. "How long have you been there?"  
"Here on the couch? About ooh, eight minutes... "  
Rachel sighed with relief.  
"...but I've been in the apartment since around 11am. Monica said I could sleep on her orthopaedic mattress,I had a really crummy night."  
Rachel waited for the rest. It didn't come so she said, "I'll get dressed then -"  
"But I know Chandler was here."  
"Oh ? Was he ? What makes you think that?" Feigning ignorance seemed the best thing to do.  
"He told me."  
Rachel tried to stop her jaw from hitting the floor. "He did?"  
"Oh, he doesn't _know_ he told me,"she said airily. "Mind you, if I didn't know his Mom wrote dirty books I'd be surprised he kissed her with that mouth." She took a bite of giant cookie.  
Rachel sat down.  
"How - ? "  
"He left his cellphone here. Lucky it was on the couch, if it had been on the floor I would never have reached it."  
"Lucky, huh?" Rachel bit her lip and nodded at the irony.  
"And I pretended to be you. Fun, huh ?"  
Rachel rounded on her. "No, Pheebs, it is not fun, it's not fun **at all**!"  
"That's not how it sounded to me," smirked Phoebe.  
Rachel sat back down. Stood up. Sat down. Got up. Walked around.  
"Phoebe, you must promise me you will not tell anyone about this!"  
Phoebe considered this. "Okay. I mean I wouldn't want anyone to know I begged Chandler to do that to that thing to the back of my -"  
"PHEEBS!"  
"Mnaaah!" Phoebe finished her cookie. "Your secret is safe with me, Rachel Green. But you have to do something for me in return."  
"Anything, sweetie."  
"Will you stay here with me and not go to London?"  
Rachel considered this. Phoebe's eyes were filling with what might be tears, she had never seen Phoebe cry so she wasn't certain.  
"Honey ..."  
"Please? I don't want to be alone so close to the birth."  
Rachel took a deep breath.  
"Okay."  
"Oh! oh!" added Phoebe excitedly. "Ross came by the coffee shop first thing. He wants to talk to you. I think it's kinda important." She smirked once more. "Careful if he wants to have dinner though ...can you manage two meals in one day ?"


	5. Chapter 5

_We only said goodbye in words- I died a hundred times.  
You go back to her and I go back to black._

It was a tentative Rachel who knocked on Ross's apartment door that evening. She was after all, fresh from sharing a bed with her ex's oldest friend and she felt as if it was written on her forehead.  
As he opened the door she felt that pang on seeing him she always did since she knew he was engaged, an emptiness, a nostalgic sense of lost love, the One That Got Away.  
He kissed her cheek and she almost blushed.  
"Phoebe said you wanted to see me ?"  
"Uh, yeah, kind of."  
They sat down and he turned to face her.  
"Rachel I need to talk to you."  
She drew in a breath. Hard as it was to admit to herself, somewhere in the deepest reaches of her heart she was hoping to hear him say, _I have made terrible mistakes, terrible decisions, I want you back... _  
All she could vocalise was a half swallowed "Uh-huh?"  
"We want you to come to London. To the wedding."  
Was that it ? Emotional turmoil all the way to his apartment, for that ? Maybe she would tell him she had slept with Chandler just hours before , that would jolt him.  
"Well, " she said, steeling herself, " I'm probably not coming."  
He couldn't hide his disappointment.  
"Will you think about it, Rache? Please? We've posted the invitations.."  
She was irked now."Well, I guess you should think about how it might be making me feel, Ross. I am happy for you, truly I am, but I don't know if I can .. if I can ..." She stopped mid sentence because as was her wont, the tears came. She wiped them away with her fingertips and Ross produced a handkerchief and dabbed gingerly at her face. He was an inch away. He leaned in. Their lips met and they shared a tender kiss that tasted of poignant memories and an uncertain future.  
He smiled. She continued to gently weep.  
"This is all too weird," Rachel said, thinking, you don't know just how weird today has been.  
"And scary too .. it's alot of change .. that's why I want my friends with me... all of them." He paused. "But there's no pressure."  
They sat in silence for a minute or two.  
"I'm going to miss you," she said, deliberately not looking at him, realising just how much she meant it.

_Give me the song and I'll sing it like I mean it.  
Give me the words and I'll say them like I mean it.  
...God knows, you've got me sewn._

Just as the Summer became hotter and headier seemingly by the hour, Chandler felt that his life was as ripe as it had ever been. His burgeoning and very new and surprising relationship filled his every waking moment, his very being. He thought about her all the time, literally, all the time.  
What's for breakfast ? What would Rachel eat ?  
How do I deal with Jerry's lack of attention to the WENIS ? What would Rachel say ?  
Why am I going to London without her ?  
And then a moment of revelation.  
Why won't she come to London with me ?

Lunch was had the next working day, Monday. She held him tightly and lovingly as any woman ever had and he adored her for that, for her sweetness, for her tears, for the sense that she was on a plane with him, an equality of cheesecakes and wonder and longing.

Lunch actually meant food on Tuesday, and even that wasn't a possibility on Wednesday. By Thursday he started to worry, bigtime.

"It's Mrs Huffnagel," she said. "She needs a dress for her granddaughter's wedding."

And Friday.. ?

"Mrs Huffnagel needs underwear, believe me, I am not happy about this..."

OK.

In the coffee house that evening he could see her looking wistfully into thin air and with a sharp jab to his heart and mind, he understood that she was still in love with Ross.

They were alone for a brief moment and he sat next to her urgently.  
"Hey, how was work today ?"  
"Oh - you know - it pretty much sucked. I think I need to find something else. I hear Ralph Lauren are looking for people."  
He plunged straight in with what was on his mind. "Will you please come to London ? Ross really wants you there..and so do I."  
She was softly shaking her head and he was alarmed that she might turn on the waterworks again. "I can't..Phoebe needs me."  
"Phoebe isn't due for three more weeks... and she has Frank and Alice."  
He paused. "Hey," he stroked her hand discreetly with one long finger. "Please ? If there's any chance of this fling we've started meaning anything, will you come with us ?"  
"It's not a fling, it's been ... so good... but no. No. I can't." She couldn't - or wouldn't - look at him.  
" Well then I guess a week's worth of being used by you for sex was a good run ..." he gave a wry smile. He could see she wasn't amused.  
"I'm sorry .. I'm just not in the right place now ..honey, I am really sorry."  
If his childhood had taught him anything it was how to hide his hurt and he managed to make some half assed wisecrack about notches on the Chan Chan Man's bedpost. There was an uncomfortable silence until he said almost imperceptibly:  
"Is there any chance you'll change your mind, and come with me ?"  
He swallowed hard as she reached into his chest and ripped out his heart: "No."

She knew she had hurt him but she had no choice. Whatever it was she felt for him she had to deal with the residue of her emotions for Ross first; and right now that was all-consuming. Surely Chandler could appreciate that ?  
The timing was just so bad, she couldn't help it, her head was a mess. Perhaps they could pick up when all the dust had settled.

In the pre wedding flurry and frenzy Chandler's unusually quiet demeanour, like his recent liason, was overlooked. Rachel's capricious nature shouldn't have surprised him, he decided, after all, wasn't she the girl who always returned gifts for store credit ? And that's what she had done with him, tried him on for size then traded him in back at the store as if he had never happened.

But he had promised to always be her friend and he was determined to be true to his word.

He managed to approach Joey at breakfast for some advice.  
"You understand women, don't you, Joe?"  
Joey gave that characteristic winning smile,"I sure do!"  
"What about outside the bedroom ? You have seven sisters ..."  
"Not so simple my friend. They can get all weird on you. "He stopped and thought a second."Hey - are you seeing Janice again?"  
Chandler was temporarily flustered. "Why- why - why do you think that ?"  
"Let's just say someone's been borrowing from 'that' box in my nightstand...and you've been all secret like you don't want me to know."  
"Oh! "He rallied. "Yes... yes, I've been seeing Janice..thing is, she's broken it off."  
"Dude! You need the hospital!"  
"The relationship, Joe, she's broken off the relationship.I think she's still hung up on her ex."  
"Oh." Joey considered this."Perhaps she needs emotional closure before she can renew her romantic efforts."  
"Is that a line from Days of Our Lives?"  
Joey smiled broadly and nodded."Yeah!"  
Still, it may have been true.  
"Have we packed yet ?" Chandler asked , jolting himself back from his reverie to real life.  
"Not a stitch my friend."  
"I think we need Monica. It can be our gift to her."  
And it was.

As they left for the flight he surreptitiously stroked Rachel's back by way of goodbye - but didn't speak.

AUTHOR'S NOTE

I am currently after a hiatus, writing the next chapter. For all of you who have so kindly put this on alert - I will be updating within the next 7 days at the latest. I can't tell you how happy it makes me to get an alert in my inbox, and this next bit is for all of you ! Sue.


	6. Chapter 6

**A/N **

**I'm back! I'm back ! **

**This probably sucks but I am out of Friends fanfic practice - thanks to NaNoWriMo to rekindling my love of writing and to SpaceMonkey for rekindling my love of Randler fics ...**

**Dont like Randler fics ? Dont read ! Although there will be some Mondler/Lobsters ...**

**Be nice - I am sensitive, and very, very old ;)**

_The sun is in the sky_

_Oh why, oh why, _

_Would I want to be anywhere else ?_

Eight hours. Eight hours of Monica. now , he thought, I wont get this out of perspective, I love Monica, in a sisterly way but Oh My God eight hours of her ? in a confined space ? With her obsessive compulsiveness, and her nagging, all the while interrupting the sweet dreams he wanted to have that belonged to her room mate and best friend; just wantiung as one does in the first flush of love, to close your eyes and think and recall their touch.

Rachel.

It made him catch his breath when he thought of her, of her lean tanned toned body, her sweet breasts and slim waist, hips, the soft feel of her under him, her tender kiss , the extreme pleasure he had shared with her ...

And yet - where was her mind ? where were her feelings ? what the fuck was going on ? She had been distant lately and hadnt given him any hint why. Why hadnt she come to London ? The obvious answer was one he didnt want to concede ; but he couldnt help himself, like picking at a scab, he thought, it is because it is too painful for her to watch Ross marry someone else. And where, where , does that leave me ?

The plane had landed and the chaos of Heathrow eventually taken care of; into a taxi - black as the NYC ones were yellow - and off from the outskirts of the airport location and deeper into town, the streets becoming narrower, the air becoming warmer, into streets that could have been Greenwich Village , until they reached their hotel. The early summer air was heady like wine and Chandler drank it in, as only someone in the first heady days of love can breathe in the sweetness.

"London, Baby" shrieked Joey.

And yet despite the beauty all around him and the excitement welling inside him chandler missed Rachel with a hitherto unknown longing; even his love for Kathy somehow didnt reach this level, much to his chagrin; what was he, who was he,that he desired the touch of girls previoulsy wanted by his friends ? The very thought sent a shudder through him and dampened (but only momentarily) his feelings.

He wished he could see into her mind. He wanted to call her. It was going to be a long three days.

"Chandler! Chandler!" Joey eas prodding him excitedly as they drew up at the hotel. "We're in London!"

"Yes, Joe, I know," he said wearily. He was trying to work out what time it was and what meal it was he was hungry for, and whether or not Rachel would be home from work yet.

Finding the room and laying on the bed was bliss after the day that he had had. Joey was, naturally, hungry, and immediately looked at the room srevice menu.

"What the hell is a pann- a pan - Chandler!"

"Panini, Joe, it's a toasted sandwich."

"They dont do them with meatballs though ... I need to go find a Subway."

"Joe, you dont know where you are -"

"I have a map!" He unfolded the most ridiculous map Chandler had ever seen. It had 3d pop ups of the major landmarks on it but Joey seemed to like it.

Chandler sighed. "There's a golden arches on the corner. They seem to be all over this place."

"Want anything?"

Chandler shook his head and called after him - "Remember to pay in pounds not dollars -"

Alone in his room he looked at the phone and touched it in its cradle but didnt pick it up. He turned on the TV and flicked a while. The picture was great but there were only five channels and nothing took his fancy. There were movies but he wasnt in the mood for porn for once and the kids films did nothong for him.

He tpouched the phone and on a huge impulse picked it up and following the directions he made and international call.

For a long long time the phone rang; he knew it was a fake sound not how it actually sounded in Rachels apartment but it felt good to think he and she were hearing the same sounds.

Eventually it was answered. "Hello?"

It was Phoebe.

"Pheebs! its Chandler! Just letting you know we all arrived safe, checking in on how you are -"

"Oh cut the crap ! you want to talk to rachel! " mocked Phoebe. "ooh - lok - she's waving at me -"

Ther e was the sound of the phone being passed over and some low conversation -eventually he heard her sweet voice.

"Hi Chandler". She was clearly unsure but hearing her flooded him with affection and he took a deep breath.

"Rache - I've missed you -"

"It's been a day, Chandler-"

"how are you?"

"Same as I was yesterday.."

Expensive silence.

"Rache-"

"Dont say it Chandler, dont do this - "

""I l-"

"NO! not now, PLease. no. NO you dont. And neither do I."

More costly transatlantic breathing.

"Come here? Please?"

"I cant. I promised Phoebe, and whats more I cant afford it."

"Will you be there when I get home?"

"I'll be here, yes, of course."

"Good, that's good, so I know where to find you," Stupid stupid stupid! shouted his inner self.

"Chandler?"

"Yes?"

"I need some time. To think. "

He hesitated, "I know..."

"Because I cant help thinking, you arent who I am meant to be with, I'm sorry."

He thought she was crying. He was close to choking himself now.

"Well, gee -"

"Just go now, just go, go kiss a bridesmaid or something, okay."

He felt bitter. "Maybe I will."

"Okay. " she said.

"Okay," he said grimly. "I guess I should say goodbye."

"I guess."

But he didnt hang up and he saw dollar bills flying down the phone line three thousand miles.

"Chandler? Are you still there?"

As if he would let go of this lifeline to her. "Yes."

"I am letting you go, sweetie, dont wait for me."

Damn choke in his throat. "But I dont want you to let me go."

She was quiet and sniffing so he supposed she was weeping . " It's impossible," she said softly. "I have to go."

And she hung up.

He listened to the sounded of the disconnection in his hand willing her voice to return but of course, no; eventually he put the phone back in its cradle and threw himself on his bed and stared at the ceiling. He had never felt this horrible.

joey came crashing back in gleefully -"Guess what ? I had a quarter pounder with cheese and fires and a shake ! They have English ones! And it -" he was very excited now -"it - _tasted the same as it does at home_!"

"Well, I'm very happy for you, Joe." said Chandler blankly.

Joey was hyper; too many E numbers. Too much soda. Too much Joey, thought Chandler; in fact, too much _life_.

** I know it was short - I am just getting back into this - just excited about it all again ! - be back VERY soon ! **


	7. Chapter 7

**A/N**

**This is a partial re-write as I wasnt entirely happy with the original version ...**

_I've never made promises lightly -_

_And there have been some that I've broken ..._

Rachel wasn't in her work, at least, a lazy girl but it was hard to have any passion for the job she loved at that time. She thought she might be going crazy. All she wanted to do was sleep and think but that didnt pay the rent and the credit card bills, did it ? Why was life, was love, were feelings, so hard to deal with ? And so all consuming ???

Ross was getting married and that hurt her to the quick but she looked into her heart and couldn't tell herself with perfect honesty, why it still did. Was it for old time's sake ? The jarring of his no longer worshipping at her altar? She had feelings for someone else , too, after all; what about Chandler, her surprising experience with him,the kisses, the couple of love making sessions? But great as they were ,was it meant to be ? Was it supposed to be ?

Was he - Chandler - was he growing up ? he had sure seemed pretty mature in her bed and she knew that after Kathy, after Janice, he really was in a place where he could commit; Jeez, she had even helped him get there.

But -these residual feelings for Ross - they were there and she herself apparently was the only one (so Phoebe told her) who didnt know she was still in love with Ross.

She hadn't meant to use Chandler , she had meant every touch and kiss and enjoyed his company more than she could ever have imagined she would, had marvelled in this new side of him that had been revealed to her.

And she had let him go because there were too many doubts; had done it cruelly on the phone half a world away; set him free,set them both free.

What did she want ? There was no asking Monica on this one.

She ran her hands through her hair and stifled a scream.

Phoebe, who was hanging out at Monica's (orthopaedic mattress and all) was surprised to see Rachel come in from work extraordinarily early; but she didnt have miuch of a conversation, as Rachel was preoccupied, and had disappeared into her room.

Phoebe wondered jealously what the others were doing, pre- rehearsal dinner. She only ever got to do pregnant stuff now. She was awoken from her self pity by Rachel's voice.

"Pheebs?" Rachel was calling from the bedroom. "Do you know where the food for the chick and the duck is?"

Phoebe was surprised -"Well, yes - it's in the guys' apartment, under the sink, next to -"

And then she was cut off mid sentence and shocked into silence as Rachel re-appeared in a leisure suit pulling a trolley case. "Good, you can feed them while I'm gone, then !"

Phoebe was horrified. "Rachel! What are you doing ?"

"I have to go - I have to tell him I love him!"

Phoebe was literally speechless and tried to get to her feet which at 36 weeks pregnant with triplets was no easy task.

"Rachel - think about this - "

"Phoebe -" she looked her clearly in the eye - "I _have_ thought about this. This is what I want."

"But - the wedding -everything - "

Rachel didnt answer but leaned over and kissed her friend on the forehead dearly -

"Take care -and dont even THINK about having those babies until we are all home!"

And she was gone.

Phoebe silently freaked out. Rachel - she had run off to ruin Ross' wedding . And she couldnt even chase her, what with carrying the litter and all. All she had at her disposal was her phone anda couple of cell numbers to try and contact.

_You cut me open ;_

_And I keep bleeding love._

Three thousand miles away and Chandler had spent the morning trailing around behind Joey seeing only Tourist's London and never getting a real feel for the city. After an hour or two of increasingly sore feet for Chandler, Joey bought a totally stupid hat and Chandler got stupidly annoyed and they had a stupid fight and Chandler left - to walk alone and brood and find a generic coffee house to sit in and pretend to read The Times , all the while thinking about and longing for Rachel, not able to tell anyone. That was the hardest part. Although he had had so much childhood practice at hiding his feelings and he was seasoned in being in denial that he was hurting, it still never became any easier.

He wandered down Oxford Street as he sauntered reluctantly back to his hotel in Grosvenor Square. It was now early afternoon and he could identify those who were office types, just like he was in his real life in NYC, rushing out for lunch on the go and trying to rush back to the desk; and those who were tourists, buying, as Joey had, tacky Union Jack branded fridge magnets or ancient postcards bearing the images of Seventies punks or outdated red double decker buses. It was like his city - the heat , the throng of people, the traffic, the taxis ; and he felt at once excited to be there and a sharp stab at the thought that he believed he was in love , and what if she never knew , that she never even wanted to be told ? What if Ross was always the past that stood in their way even though he was married ? no no - it _can_ happen.

When he was a little boy living in the bizarre atmosphere created by his self indulgent parents, seein gthings no child should witness , he used to play a little game. If I can get to the other side of the living room before I can count to ten, it'll be all right at dinner tonight. If I can remember all the words to the next song on the radio, it'll be all right. And he found himself doing that now. _If I can count three taxis before I see a woman in a red dress, it'll be all right_._ If there's a McDonalds when I look up, it'll be all right _(mind you that one was a no brainer).

He couldnt stop thinking about her, heart full, aching, he thought he might be going mad.

Damn.

Why didnt she call ? Why didnt she call, and put it right, and say, let's give this a chance, let's not be furtive, let's be open, if nothing else,let's have ... lunch.

He felt sick. And maybe a litle angry.

He went mechanically back to the hotel room. Joey was already there, on overdrive with videos of his wonderful day, and Chandler continued to piss him off with his indifference. Chandler just wanted to get changed and get through the evening and then sleep, perchance to dream , to dream about _her. _Because - well, he might wake up and she would be there and it would all be all right.

Because when you are in love, everything is possible.


	8. Chapter 8

_A little bit of Monica in my life ..._

The rehearsal dinner was somewhat fraught from the off when Joey , still upset with Chandler over the day they had had, and with a twisted kind of logic in his bid to retaliate, threw a sulk about the canapes.Then, in quick succession, a feud began escalating between the bride and groom's parents over the arrangements to pay for the wedding and Ross was acting as go-between and expertly keeping his temper; Chandler screwed up his best man's speech; Joey was more miserable bcause he was suddenly homesick and started quoting from _Cheers_ (because, Sometimes you want to go where everybody knows your name); and all the while Monica was getting silently wasted on white wine. Chandler worried about Drunk Monica ; traditionally she did bizarre things; and as her real brother was busy he sauntered over to keep an eye on her.

"Hey," he said softly and sat beside her.

"Hey," she answered, so sadly. "Ain't this just peachy?"

"What's wrong?" he asked.

"HOw stupid are you?" she spoke harshly and it jolted him; despite the haze she seemed to realise and immediately apologised.

"sorry -"

"It's all right - just tell me what's wrong .."

She looked away and he thought there were tears in her eyes.

"Here we are, Ross getting married for the _second_ time - I dont even have a date - and that guy over there-"she gestured wildly - "thought I was Ross' _mother_..."

Chandler looked over at a very wobbly Waltham relative.

"Monica, he's very - " he blinked as the guy stumbled and waved at random people - "- very, drunk ... How could anyone sane think you were Ross' mom ?" He handed her a napkin to dab her eyes with, "Who wouldn't want you, Monica ?"

She put her hand on his thigh and leaned meaningfully over him. "Would you?"

Shit. How did he answer this ? He had it was true, had a little crush on her , but not since Kathy, maybe even before Kathy. And now he had fallen accidentally, inexplicably, wonderfully, horribly, for her best friend, and her brother's ex. This, he decided, and he was sure this was a good decision , should not tell her; because Rachel had ended it, because he hoped she would change her mind, because this certainly wasn't the moment. But how to refuse her delicately, kindly ? Why these two girls at once? Life sure played some wicked tricks.

He was saved from speaking by a flustered Joey.

"I just spoke to Phoebe on Emily's nasty stepmom's cellphone," he was panicking, "She says Rachel's on her way to tell Ross she still loves him...what do we do?"

What do we do ? Indeed, thought Chandler wryly. You have just heard that the girl you think you love is travelling thousands of miles to tell another guy she loves him; and yet right in front of you there is a beautiful woman who right now, wants you. What do you do, Chandler Bing, what_ do _you do ?

He said gently to Monica, "Let me take you back to your room."

She smiled at him and let him put his arm around her waist and they left the restaurant in search of a taxi.


	9. Chapter 9

**A/N I enjoyed writing this. I hope you enjoy reading it. It may need to be elevated to M rating please let me know if you agree. And be nice. I am fragile ...**

_Can we bring yesterday back around ?_

_'Cos I know how I feel about you now._

Somewhere in the sky - she imagined only as far as over Newfoundland but geography was never her major (what was ?) - reality hit Rachel and she realised that she really, honestly, truly, was on a big (naturally) red 747 (named, she had noticed, as seen from the departure lounge window, Jersey Princess, like it was a ship or something) and she was heading for London. At 35,000 feet above the ground and three million miles an hour ..or whatever it was. Suddenly she didnt know if she wanted to be there quickly - or never - can we turn this plane around ? She could ask the steward! Yes! No? She decided on No. She thought that might make her look demented (which by this point,she thought she very well might be) so she settled for asking for a spritzer instead, and trying to nap, in order to try and escape from the maelstrom of thoughts in her head.

There was a long legged, good looking English guy in the seat next to her and she glanced at him appreciatively but he resolutely kept in his earplugs and ignored her determinedly. The guy on the other side of the aisle seemed receptive and she found herself spilling the whole story out to him...About how she was going to London to tell her ex she still loved him on his wedding day ... All the crap from the last almost five years, dating Ross, hating Ross, making love with Chandler... shit. Why did that keep appearing in her subconscious ? His touch his smile his soft skin his chestnut hair his very Chandlerness ...

She was startled from her almost reverie by an English voice to her left .

"May I say" he said , pulling out his earplugs in a manner that suggested he was severely pissed off - "MAY I say, I think you - You" he waved one of his long fingers in the air - " - are a horrible, horrible person!"

Rachel's jaw dropped and she resisted the temptation to burst into tears. She started to stammer a response but the man continued.

"This is the happiest day of their lives , and you're going to turn up and destroy it. I agree with your friend, 'Pheebs', no good can come of this. And what about this Chandler fellow you talk about so incessantly? Are you sure you really do love this Ross person ? And to tell him now, on his wedding day ? You are horrible!"

She was stunned. He put his headphones back on but a second later he had torn them off with an afterthought -

"By the way -" there was the long finger pointing again - "It seems to me to be perfectly clear that you **were** on a break."

She felt compelled to defend herself. "I think you're wrong! " she insisted.

"Oh no!" he reacted in mock anguish.

Harrumphing she set about watching the in flight movie - or feigning interest - while she gave some serious consideration to what she was actually intending to do.

Some time later, grimy, hot, dishevelled, and unaware of the panic felt by Phoebe and the flurry of phone calls made and received, and the lustful negligence of Joey who allowed her into the Hall, Rachel arrived, still with trolley case in tow.

And she saw Ross and Emily, together; and it made her smile; and she settled in her seat, any fire extinguished, any green eyed monster vanquished. She was calm. You're going to be okay, she thought.

The strings took up their bows and elegantly began to play.

Rachel saw Chandler glide in with Monica,who looked slender and elegant in a classic red silk dress, both of them smiling and apparently muttering to one another; and at that moment it came to her with a stab to her chest that Chandler must be with no girl but _her_.

And she realised as she perched on the end of the row and watched the happy couple, glowing with love and hope for their future, she too suddenly felt a rush of contentment for them. Yes, it has cost her twenty seven hundred dollars to reach a status quo but..now she hoped she knew what was ahead.

Except nothing prepared her for the fact that as Ross came to make his vows to his blushing bride, it was Rachel's name he said and not Emily's.

The congregation gasped collectively. Rachel, red as beet from her toes to the roots of her hair , rushed out of the hall. Chandler , spotting her as if she were Cinderella fleeing at midnight, raced after her, determined not to be left with a glass slipper.

"Rachel!"

She stopped- she was, at any rate, hampered by the trolley case.

"Emily's going on with the wedding," he reassurred. He had abandoned his Best Man duties but there was another one and he didnt care.

"I shouldn't have come," she muttered.

He simply shook his head. "But you did."

"You dont understand -"

"I dont have time-" he looked around. "We need to get through the Reception. You can hitch a ride with Monica and Felicity."

Before she had time to talk to him he had returned to the hall.

Emily disappeared.

To Rachel this made perfect sense (having had experience) but the wedding party was thrown into chaos and little by little it fragmented. Joey made off with Felicity for one last night reasoning (fair enough) that there was nothing they could do to help; the parents argued; the aunts weeped; Ross was comforted by Monica; and Rachel and Chandler kept away, eyeing one another, both needing, wanting to speak.

Eventually , impatiently, Chandler grabbed Rachel's arm and said -"We're getting a taxi back to the Marriott."

In the cab they barely spoke.

Att he hotel he whisked her through Reception and into the elevator, up to their floor.

He opened the door , for some reason his keycard shook as he tried to open the door. Rachel followed him inside.

"I shouldn't be here," she said nervously.

"Do you have anywhere else to go?" he was shocked by his own boldness.

"NO," she shook her head ands he was worried she was finally going to produce the tears he had been expecting to see from her all day.

"Well, then..."

"But what if they ask ? "

"Hell," he said,running his fingers boyishly through his hair, "If they ask I'll tell them you're my sister, something, I'll work it out. Joey won't be back tonight, that's for sure. You can have his bed. And Mon went off after Ross - I think he's skulking in the honeymoon suite waiting for Emily to turn up."

She moved closer to him and touched his shoulders. "You looked handsome today," she murmured.

"Rache -" he had no desire to be broken in pieces right now; the day had been heady enough.

"I had eight hours to think, on the plane," she whispered, "Eight hours. And all the time I was saying, I'm going to tell Ross I still love him ,I kept thinking about you - about us - about us, together..."

"Rachel - please don't-"

She shushed him ."Let me finish..."

"I need a cigarette ..."

"No. You don't. Chandler - I thought - that we didn't make sense - but we do. I want to give us a chance. I want to be with you again. I imagined telling Ross I loved him - and the words they danced in the air like I could see them in front of me and it all seemed - so - so ridiculous! And I thought of you and - I wanted you to be with me - and - I want us to have a chance..." she paused."Will you ? I know that everyone else will probably freak out but you know I dont care... When I am with you I laugh and I feel like everything is right, you know ? Like I am home. " She hesitated as he looked troubled and she was scared. "Chandler ? You';re scaring me."

He moved away and held up his hands.

"I wanted you so much, Rach..."

"Stop scaring me -" He was using the past tense.

He thrust his hands into his pockets and turned his head away."What if you change your mind again? I'm not tough, Rache, I dont want to be hurt by you .. How do I know you really mean that you want to give this a try ? Before we were fooling around and it was cool ... but when you decided not to come with us here to London and you were so distant ... it _hurt_, Rache...And there's something i need to tell you -"

The ball of emotion in her stomach knotted adn she grabbed his hands. "What is it ?" She didnt like his train of thought.

"Last night..."

"What ?" her eyes were wide with alarm and he wanted to hold her but he needed to speak first.

"Last night ... Monica came onto me." he looked nervously at Rachel's face but she was impassive. "She was depressed, she 'll tell you, and pretty wasted. And I admit it, I kissed her... But as soon as I did it felt all wrong and I stopped it... now I know she's going to tell you this and I hope I haven't hurt her but I dont think she wanted me, I think she would have tried it on with anyone - and i need you to know that all I've done pretty much since getting here is think about you -"

He couldnt speak anymore as her lips were on his and with relief and longing he kissed her softly and yet hungrily.

They broke apart; he whispered, "Jesus, I've missed you." Tentatively he asked,"What about what happened yesterday?"

She raised her chin and looked at him steadily; it surprised herself that she was so reasonable but somehow she was; she felt she could look into his heart and she believed in him.

" Chandler, if you so much as peck Monica on the cheek again I will have your man parts for jewellery."

Relief overcame him and he wrapped his arms around her.

"I havent showered since New York and God knows how long i have been wearing these clothes ..." she said, embarrassed. She should have been tired - awake for so long - but that could wait - if anything it heightened her feelings.

He hesitated then cocked his head to one side and asked, "Well, maybe we should get you out of them? ... and this is a rented tux so I better not crease it ..."

And then a moment of appalling clarity.

"Ross said your name at his wedding, Rachel. That's huge."He sat down, and words spilled out as he gestured worriedly. "It means he still wants you. It means we're going nowhere -"

"Hey! " she knelt at his feet. "Don't I get a say in this ?"

He looked at her sadly. "BUt how's he going to take this - us - "he opened his fingers wde, "Can I say that - us ?"He paused and said it again over enunciating it "Ussss"...and Rachel laughed not because it was a particularly funny joke but because it was the first time he had been anything approaching like himself and not a ball of nervous energy since she she had arrived, maybe even before then.

She pulled herself up to bring her face level with his as he sat on the bed .

"Here's to us, " she said softly and leaned her mouth into his and he kissed her softly back so tenderly and yet so charged with longing that she thought her heart would break.

"Wait a minute," he said, and rising he locked the door and switched off the lamps.

"No-" she said . "Leave them on."

He did as he was asked and she rose to meet him and they stood and embraced.

"I can't believe you're here," he whispered, his breath on her neck giving her shivers.

"Less talk, Bing." She looked up at him and relieved him of his wedding garb,waistcoat and neckerchief, unbuttoned his shirt by a few buttons and then proceeded to unzip her jacket which she cast away carelessly. Kissing furiously -with only a break to get the necessary equipment from Joey's plentiful supply- they were somehow on the bed , kicking off clothes until there was a heap on the floor ; and he raised himself on one elbow to look at her, to drink her in, and she stroked his cheek, and suddenly even though he had made love to her before, this time he was scared, because this seemed to him, totally real , a possible future, and not just a lunch break.

She was impatient and he had no more time to think. She ran her hands down his back , across his stomach, and down; he took a deep breath; she pulled him close and raised her breasts to touch his chest. Kissing her urgently it was he who took control then and caressing her breasts , her hips, her thighs, he slid inside her and there were only the two of them that ever existed or who had ever felt this way.

Moving rythmically he locked his clear blue gaze with her hazel eyed one and he thought he saw a tear.

"Are you all right?" he asked as moved rythmically against her and she raised her hips back in response.

"More." She said simply, "I want more."

He very voice spurred him on and she gave herself up to the feelings , physical , emotional, and span out of control; and hearing her satisfaction he let himself go and they collapsed in each others' arms, sweating , laughing, kissing, rolling over , hugging.

_  
__And just for this moment - as long as you're mine -  
I've lost all resistance ,  
And crossed some border line.  
And if it turns out it's over too fast  
I'll make every last moment last  
As long as you're mine._

They lay together, basking in their newly bonded togetherness, looking at one another, quilt wrapped around them as if they were in a little igloo impervious to the rest of the world.

"We're guilty you know," he said, half teasing, half serious.

"Of ?" She shifted uneasily but he moved closer anyway.

"Well, not so much you...me. You're my friend's ex. I have violated The Code."

"There's a Code?"

"Apparently. Ross once told me so. When I found him attempting to sleep with my mother as it happens. And this" - he gestured between the two of them- " violates it on several counts."

"Ohh, we are so baaad..." she was laughing ; the reality of what they were talking about hadn't yet permeated the bliss of their afterglow.

"And count me guilty, " he said as rolled atop her again. "it was the most glorious felony I have ever commited."

"Mmmm I sense a repeat offender ..." and she grinned.

_Golden__ early Summer sunlight filters into a hotel room.  
Chandler stretches and then turns over in his sleep.  
Rachel wakes and silently and deftly slips out of the bed, wrapping a dressing gown around her shoulders, and tiptoes away._


	10. Chapter 10

**A/N : I have thoroughly loved writing this chapter.**

**So if you have comments to make please remember that like Natasha Bedingfield, I bruise easily .. be gentle when you handle me :P**

_Guess what ? Summer's arrived; I feel the world's on my side.   
The Brooklyn Bridge stretches below me, A million souls all dying to know me.  
Well here I am ,loaded with promise and knee deep in grace.  
What I want shows on my face and I feel like I own the whole damn place- Hey, Manhattan - here I am.  
_  
Rachel's cellphone chirrupped and she immediately excused herself from Mrs Huffnagel and her enormous cocktail dress to answer it eagerly.

"What are you wearing?"

She snorted and whispered back, "Nothing at all. You ?"

"Oh,a fetching little number in grey."

"Are we having lunch ?"

"Are we ever. Where?"

"Your place. Phoebe's around.Damn that mattress."

"So is Joey. No auditions today."

"Shoot. That's not fair.This should be the easy week -"Rachel mused aloud.

Chandler tried not to reflect on that and be positive.

"Hey - look at this way - if we actually eat today, Helen won't wonder why for the fourth time this week I have spent two hours at lunch and still asked for her to go get me a sub at three thirty ..."

Rachel smiled but shook her head. "It's not fair!..."

"I know," he said. "Because I can't get enough of you, Rache."

She breathed in deeply, relishing every syllable.

"Rache ? Still there ?"

"Just daydreaming, sweetie.." she shook herself awake as Mrs Huffnagel's harsh tones asked her what she thought of the pink one ?

"I have to go, honey, I have to stop a fashion crime. Why don't we just make it dinner today then? Surely Joey's got a date?"

"I have to wait seven hours to see you?"

"You'll want me more," she teased.

"Not possible," he said. "See you at home then?"

"At Home." She ended the call and briefly cradled the phone against her chest as if embracing him by remote.

Early Summer in the city ; already it was as hot as hell , worse at the height of the day , and Chandler was almost - only almost though - happy to be in his air conditioned office. He shuffled some papers around and tapped his pencil against the desk impatiently. Helen, serene as ever, swept in with a spreadsheet for him to examine,and said something about it that he didnt really hear but stil mumbled "Yes" to. He looked up and saw that she was eyeing him sardonically, disapprovingly. Helen was a rock for him at work but she didn't say much. He resolved not to forget the next Secretary's Day. (He must get Helen to find out when it was...).

But she spoke now.

"Mr Bing-"

"Chandler."

"Chandler. I know it isn't my place - but -"

"Yes ?"

"You seem distracted. You come in late, tired, you go to lunch for two hours but come back hungry, I know you went to London but the jet lag isn't that severe from there ,surely, so I can only imagine that there's a young lady involved. I was your age once. But it seems to me that all this isn't good for you. The boss won't be impressed at the end of the month. "

He sighed and leaned back in his chair and fixed her with a sad blue stare.

"It's complicated. Or it will be in a day or two. And I don't know what we're doing, or why, I just know it seems to work. I wish it didn't."

Helen raised her eyebrows. "I have no idea what all that means. Why is it complicated?"

"You remember my friends?"

Helen nodded.

"It's Rachel."

"Oh," Helen pursed her lips and he scrutinised her face for signs of disapproval. He didn't know why he was telling her all this , but he suspected it was because he had no-one else to turn to. He just hoped the damn story didn't spread over the eleventh floor at coffee break. She sat down at the desk opposite. "And how long has this been going on?"

He thought. "A few months, on and off. But since London ... it's seemed more serious ... "

Helen's eyebrows hit the ceiling.

"Helen... She has this huge history with my oldest friend. He said her name at his wedding to someone else. It'll kill him, he'll kill me...Tell me what to do.I can't talk to anyone. "

"It's not my place..."

"I'm asking, Helen. When I'm with her I feel like the world is ours and anything's possible; when we're apart, I think about the other stuff, the other people involved.." He ran the long fingers of one hand through his hair.

She thought a moment.

"Is it a fling? If it is...well...best de-rail that train before it gets out of control. Or is this a relationship, with a future? If it is, then if your friends really are friends, they will have to learn to accept it. They might even be happy for you."

Wow, that was a huge thought. It all was. Especially the idea that he, Chandler Bing, might instigate a "Where is this relationship going" conversation.

"Thank you Helen."

"But..." she added as she turned to leave.

It was his turn to raise his eyebrows.

"Please look at the spreadsheet. It's me that fields the calls asking where the reports are."

He smiled. "Worth your weight in gold, H."

Helen did something she rarely did; she smiled back as she left his office.

The last thing he needed when he got home was Joey being needy. All he wanted was to wrap himself around Rachel. Joey was , it seemed feeling neglected and wanted a pepperoni and Die Hard night. Chandler on the other hand , had to be evasive and wasn't very good at it.

"But dude, you've been out every night this week ... "Joey's tone was petulant. Then he smiled knowingly. "It's a girl isn't it?"

Chandler thrust his hands in his pockets and shuffled uneasily, but was saved from replying by Rachel bursting through the door carrying evidence of a whirlwind shop at Bloomingdales and an excited look on her face; then she spotted Joey and Chandler could tell she gathered her self together.

"Hey," she said and tried to think of a reason for being there other than to see Chandler.

"Rach, y'wanna hang out tonight ? Pizza, a movie, a few beers ?"

"uuhhhh sorry Joey honey, I have a date,".

Joey was crestfallen. "There's no one to hang out with this week! The Gellers in London, Pheebs all"he gestured to indicate a large belly" -and you and Chandler have both had hot dates every night - " he paused and looked from one to the other -"in fact -" Chandler looked nervously at Rachel and she loked back her eyes widening waiting if Joey would have an epiphany or remain in his innocence.

"You -" he pointed at Chandler - "and you -"

"You're still dating those twins aren't you ?" He smiled knowingly. "Hot!"

Chandler was almost disappointed that he hadn't figured out what was happening - there was part of him that longed to talk about it; but he was too nervous of Joey and the way he had such high moral expectations. Chandler knew (Kathy for one being evidence) that he was already in transgression of them.

But then there was Rachel. Lovely Rachel. And the evening he had spread ahead of them with all its promise, and God, how much he wanted her.

He watched her move across the moonlit room and thought he knew what he needed to say. There must be no reprieve, and he had to be strong for when the dawn broke and it would all be over.

She climbed back into the bed next to him and the scent of her perfume, vanilla, like ice cream, filled his lungs, and he gasped for breath. Suddenly he wanted to say the words , the I Love You, but if he did there would be no going back and he bit his tongue.

"Rache?" he said it so softly he wasn't sure she would hear.

"Chandler?"

He moved to stare at her directly and it was like looking straight at the sun . He spoke no more but kissed her again and before either of them were aware they were making love once more and Rachel thought the tenderness of it might damn well kill her.

Four in the morning and it was starting to get light, being almost midsummer, and he couldn't sleep. What if I really do love you ? and you feel the same ? He dismissed the thought. Of course not. He wasn't right for her. For anyone. She was meant to be with Ross, they were lobsters weren't they? (Chandler briefly reflected that it was swans that mated for life, not seafood, to which Ross was in any case probably allergic). What to do ? Love or loyalty?

Evenually, what seemed like aeons later, her eyelids fluttered and she saw him watching her.

"Morning..." she smiled.

He smiled back; but there was sadness in his smile and she knew him well enough to detect it.

"What's wrong?" she asked; she was scared.

He smiled again but it was an empty grin and his eyes were no longer full of desire.

"I think we should end it, Rache." There. It was done.

"What?" she thought she might be sick.

"I want it over, Rache, it'll be for the best. That way we all stay friends and some time in the near future I don't let you down and you don't leave me for Ross. "

She started to cry. Which he had expected but it speared him in his chest so deep he felt like he needed to hold on for balance. He touched the tears on her cheeks and wanted to smear them on his own face, he wanted to weep too,(and he never cried); he hated to see her sobbing but he knew this was the right thing to do, that she would thank him, rather than hate him later on; it was killing him, he ached for her , but he was strong enough to know this was for the best. He knew she didnt agree , there was resentment in her eyes. Good, he thought, good. It will make it easier for both of us if she hates me. God. Life is going to be so lonely, he thought, so lonely. I have saved four friendships, I have lost the one that could have been the most important. But it's for her, for her. And the worst of it is, I'll always ask myself, if maybe it would have worked out, and ending it was the wrong thing to do.

She wiped her eyes and suddenly with her small fist she hit his chest and the unexpectedness of it made him fall back and almost off the bed.

"How dare you make this decision for us both," she said , a steel kitten. "I don't want this to end and I know - I know! - that you don't either. Why are you so weak?" (She thought this was weak ? He believed it to be strong!).

"Ross is home today," he said simply.

"And Ross will have to deal with this," she replied.

"Ross **will** kill me."

She lifted her chin and he wanted to kiss her long neck. "Ross will have to get through me first."

He took a deep breath. "I need a cigarette."

For once she didn't try to dissuade him. He fumbled to retrieve his smokes and lighter from the jacket he had cast off last night and padded barefoot out to Monica's balcony, taking care to close the window behind him for fear the odour might permeate the apartment. It was already warm, and so bright, as if God had tipped a bucket of sunshine over the Village.

A minute later the window opened again and shut softly as Rachel joined him. He became aware that neither of them were decently dressed, he in boxers and a T-shirt and she in a smidgeon of lingerie she had bought just yesterday.

"That's a pretty - thing - you're wearing. "(It hadn't stayed on long enough the night before for him to see it properly).

"It's new."

"I guessed."

"It cost eighty dollars."

He was stunned. "But it hardly ... exists!"

"You don't spend eighty dollars -and that, mister," (she jabbed him with a manicured finger) "- is after my discount - on tiny pieces of satin and lace just to give the hots to someone you intend to stop seeing the next day."

He took a drag and she watched the cigarette between his lips and almost envied the sensory pleasure he took in it.

"Chandler-"

"Yes?"

"How come we never hooked up sooner?"

"We had our moments."

"We did...?"

"I thought you didn't really like me."

"Sometimes I didn't.Not in this way, certainly. But now I see why Janice keeps on coming back for more."She winked at him as she said this, and there was happiness in her eyes once more because she knew she had won. She knew she would always win.

"You're going to have to deal with something, Bing," she said, and he was under her spell. "You're in a relationship now." She paused and read his mind. "Who we tell, and when ? Well,... we'll make those decisions together, because that is what couples do."

He shook his head but in such a way it was the opposite of negativity..

"I love you ..." he said it before he even knew the words were forming on his tongue and before he could stop them leaving his mouth.

The ringing of the phone broke the stare between them.

Rachel climbed back in the apartment to answer it and Chandler strained to hear the conversation as he took one long last drag and stubbed out the end of the cigarette before following her.

Rachel replaced the handset.

"The Gellers have landed," she said."This could be where it all gets interesting, Bing."

**A/N This isnt where the story was supposed to go but puppet Rachel and puppet Chandler started to tell me what to do lol! I hope you liked it. **


	11. Chapter 11

_A/N This has taken me a long time to write! However I am happy with it._

_One, maybe two, chapters to go. I aim to please, hope I have. _

_S._

_x._

A familiar big yellow taxi crossed the paved Paradise, left the parking lot, and carried Monica home.

She had, it had to be admitted, been somewhat disappointed not to find a puppy dog eyed Chandler waiting for her at La Guardia, flowers in hand, anticipating more than the one kiss he had shared with her the night of the rehearsal dinner. Not that he had so much as answered the phone over the previous week. He had been curiously absent every time she called home , not a good sign ,she admitted to herself. Rachel had been similarly elusive, but after the events of the wedding Monica didn't really blame her; she must be wondering what was going on,embarrassed, scared to ask what was going through Ross' mind,maybe even wondering if Ross still wanted her.

Monica looked across to her brother, lost in his thoughts, looking tired and defeated, almost slumped in his seat. The events of the past few days had drained him emotionally and mentally and the long flight had added physical exhaustion to the mix. Monica instinctively reached over to pat his knee.

"Nearly home," she said in an attempt at reassurance. "I called ahead while you got the cases, and spoke to Rachel, they're expecting us."

He looked up with a spark in his brown eyes. "What did she say ?"

Monica shrugged. "Nothing, actually..." Literally so, she mused.

They sat in silence and both reflected morosely on the previous week.

**Previously :**

**Saturday**

"Chandler is taking care of Rachel..." Monica soothed Ross as he wondered aloud what had happened to her, aware he had embarrassed her, almost - but not quite - as much as he had humiliated Emily. Ross was glad Chandler was looking after Rachel, but also disappointed; he could have done with his oldest friend's support just then. Joey was there at least, anxious and concerned, but to be honest of little practical help, and Ross knew that he had his assignation with Emily's bridesmaid on his mind. Still in the tux he was meant to be happily married in, hungry, tired, he wanted to be anywhere but there at the Waltham's smart West End townhouse, knocking on a bathroom door, attempting to entice his bride out from the mirrors and the tiles and back into his arms.

"Emily...Emily ..." Mr Waltham's soft English voice elicited no reply.

It was just too silent in there.

Felicity, who it transpired was as old a friend of Emily's as Chandler was of Ross, murmured, "Can I try ?" and Ross ceded to her. They watched , holding their collective breath, as Felicity leaned to the door and called in her dulcet tones, "Em ? Em? Please talk to me. I know you're angry, I know you're upset, but he's sorry, Em, he's breaking his heart out here, please come out and talk to us, not just to him , to all of us, we love you ..."

She heard a rustle, a sniff, a pulling of toilet paper and a blowing of nose. Then a tearful voice.

"Fliss-?"

They all looked at each other hopefully and Ross, before they could warn him off, rushed to the door knocking and calling, "Emily - Emily - please-"

The assembled party close enough to Emily's closed door - even Chandler who, decided Monica, was certainly overly attentive to Rachel rather than concentrating on Ross in his Best Man - Oldest Friend capacity- froze and looked at one another worriedly; they all felt the tension and waited.

There was a shuffling, a scraping sound, followed by silence.

Monica saw Rachel raise her eyebrows and draw in a deep breath, knowing seemingly instinctively what had happened. Hell, she'd been there, done that, given back the engagement ring. Although in her case it had been the best decision of her life; Monica didn't want Ross to get left this way, he was no Barry.

"Get that door out of the way ! yelled Jack Geller, thinking he was contributing. "Break it down!"

"Hammer time ?" quipped Chandler in a nineties flashback moment, which Monica thought actually made Rachel snort although she tried to disguise it as a cough. Since when did Rachel find Chandler so funny ?

A minute later the door was forced open, and Emily was gone. The only sign that anyone had been there was the open window, swinging pathetically in the breeze and banging rythmically against its frame,as if it was thumping along with the heavy desperate beat of Ross' swollen heart.

**Sunday**

It shouldn't have been Monica who awoke with Ross in the Honeymoon Suite at the Marriott (wrong on too many levels) but somehow, it was. Ross wanted to go there, to see if Emily would appear to retrieve her going away outfit or her overnight bag, or even in case she had forgiven him, whatever, but she did no such thing.

And where, thought Monica irately, where was Chandler ?

The only knock at the door proved to be Emily's father, to collect said things; she has gone away, she has no desire to meet with you, he told Ross as he left; and crestfallen, impotent, Ross sunk into the nearest chair.

Monica however, was more tenacious than her brother and immediately took charge.

"We'll stay and find her," she said, resolutely, and produced a notebook and pencil and began to compile a list of people and numbers to call.

**Monday**

Having checked out of the bridal suite Ross secured two new rooms. He tore up the honeymoon tickets - good to no-one,now, he sighed inwardly, having seen the words_ non-transferable _clearly in front of him. He took Monica's not inconsiderable case to her room and then collapsed on an attractive, comfortable, but ultimately, horribly, mockingly, single bed. Giving him a small feeling of consolation, however, were the toiletries he had removed from the suite. Oh, and the complimentary fruit basket, and the half bottle of Moet. And the toilet paper.

And the sachets of coffee, sugar, and Sweet and Low.

And the light bulb.

Which probably wouldnt fit at home if it even made it back intact.

Still.

Restlessly he paced around and then went for a long walk.

Monica was, naturally, on the phone, her shrill voice successful only in annoying Emily's intolerant stepmother, who hung up on her after possibly as little as just one minute of waspish monosyllabic replies. This , of course, did not deter her. Felicity had given her her number, to pass to Joey (who would never ever call but Monica did not have the heart to tell her that) and she tried her next; no reply, but Monica left a message.

She knocked on Ross' door to see if he had returned, and he called her in without moving, having failed to lock it. He was looking out of the window and down to the busy street below; everywhere had there seemed to be couples and he could still see them all, and he wondered what this primal urge to hook up with someone and be exclusive was. It wasn't the kind of answer that paleontology offered.

"I went to the florist," he said without looking at her. "It was a real nice store. I sent seventy two long stemmed red roses, one for each day I have known and loved her."

"That's nice," she replied quietly, unsure whether that was quite a grand enough gesture. "So we'll play a waiting game for now. I left messages where I could but the Walthams seem to be screening my calls..."

"Keep trying..."

She placed a hand on his shoulder. " I will."

He let out a mocking laugh. " I never got to actually say that.." He paused. " I want her to be my wife, I want Rachel to be my wi-" he stopped, corrected himself, "I mean, Emily, I want Emily ...Why do I keep _doing_ that?"

Monica bit her tongue.

**Tuesday**

The day began badly when after a light and largely uneaten breakfast, Monica was startled by a distressed Ross at her door. Gently she ushered him in. He was carrying a large box which he placed on the tiny table where it wobbled as he lifted the lid.

"Seventy two long stemmed red roses. One for every day that I have known and loved Emily. Cut up into _mulch_."

She didnt know what to say as she watched him run his hands through the petals, poor victims of a woman's scorn. Eventually she said rather too brightly, "I can make pot pourri!"

If looks could kill the glance he shot had her marked down as dead and she thought she best leave him to his grief, headed back to her room, to annoy more people by phone. At least she mused, Emily definitely knew where they were, Ross having evidently left his room number on the message card.

It was only eleven am but a swift survey of the minibar proved interesting. It was just a tiny bottle so it wouldn't even count. Merry Monica would be so much more effective at being sparky and forceful when she called Emily, which she had decided it was time to do when she had steeled herself, and Dutch courage seemed to be way forward, so she settled down with a trashy talk show and a toothglass full of Merlot.

The unexpected ringing of the phone which broke the silence made her jump almost out of her skin and she spilled a precious drop of the red liquid ( which she had worked out as being around a dollar a sip). She wasn't sure what perturbed her more, the loss of the wine or the stain on her pants.

"Hello?"

"Miss Geller...there's a call for you."

The next thing she heard was Emily's clipped Home Counties accent. She was glad of the warm red wine feeling.

"Monica. I am ringing you to ask you to stop harassing my relatives."

"Emily .. please ... speak to Ross, not me, he's just next door, his heart is breaking ..."

"I didn't want to speak to him which is why I asked for you." Her teeth sounded gritted.

"He loves you, Emily, he made a mistake - please -"

She heard Emily sigh heavily. "He did make a mistake. A bloody big one. But. All right. He can ring me back. Write down my number."

Monica wasn't used to not having the phone pen right where it ought to be and she panicked while she went to the hotel drawer to find notepaper and pen (thankfully as yet unpurloined by her brother). Though she was thrilled that Emily had been so easily broken, she still rang off with the parting words, " Please, forgive him, Emily."

Excitedly she barged straight in to Ross's room, waving the paper triumphantly, peace in their time declared.

"Here's Emily's new cell number - she says she'll talk!"

He was still fingering the shredded roses and to her surprise he didn't look up.

"Maybe - maybe I shouldn't call. I have clearly hurt her enough."

"Listen to me, Ross, you will call and you will call now - unless-" and she felt it needed to be said -"Are you still in love with Rachel?"

"What ? No! "

Monica was unconvinced. "Is that no as in, No, or no as in, Yes?"

"It's a no as in No, Mon."

She chose to believe him.

"Then call Emily." She lifted the receiver and held it out to him. He nodded and gestured for her to leave the room, which she did, kind of begrudgingly, but after all, this was his mess to untangle, she couldn't control life all the time. At that thought she shivered involuntarily, and went back to the minibar and the daytime TV.

XXXXXX

Ross was gone so long she finished the little red bottle, and the cashews, and was eyeing the miniatures, when he knocked and she let him in , searching for clues in his face.

"I'm having dinner with her tomorrow night," he said. "We have a lot - a lot! - of ground to cover."

Monica was pleased and hugged her approval.

"Mon," he said, as he hugged in return , and caught a look at her trashcan and her tongue, now purple, "Do you _know_ how **high** the minibar prices **are** here?"

**Wednesday**

"Ross? "

"Yes... yes ...?"

"Is that Monica at the bar pretending not to be here ?"

Ross snuck a peek.

"Oh for - "

He glanced at Emily and to his surprise and pleasure she was actually giggling. "Ssshhh..." she said. " Let her carry on. She seems to be having fun." They looked at one another and laughed, and both suddenly remembered why they had fallen in love in the first place, but then, equally, the seriousness of the situation. Emily nervously sipped her wine and setting down the glass her body language told Ross that she was ready to talk.

"You humiliated me, Ross. You humilated me in front of all my friends and family. We wasted thousands of pounds on a wedding that didn't happen, money we'll never see again. You said - you said - _her_ name." The words seemed to leave a nasty taste in her mouth and she took another gulp of Chablis. "And then, on Sunday, I went to Heathrow, to the check-in, and I waited, and you didn't come, and I think I hated you even more then than I had at the altar." A big fat tear fell down her left cheek, swiftly followed by more from both eyes. She kept it together, dabbed them away, straightened her posture. "I am willing to try again, Ross, but there have to be conditions."

He leaned forward. "Anything: anything."

"I want you to come to live in London."

He sat back and spread his fingers, conscious of Monica by the bar sinking Scotches and straining to hear their conversation. He shook his head.

"I can't. Ben. What about Ben? I can't live on a different continent to my son, I can't."

She sighed; it was a point she had to concede. However, she had more to say, and she was blunt; he wondered if this was her real plan all along.

"Then you have to stop having contact with Rachel.I'll come to New York; there is an opening there in my company. But you have to move away from the Village. We don't have to leave New York altogether, just, start again, away from that unhealthy, co-dependent group of yours."

"So I can never see my sister ? Shop at Bloomingdales ? Hang out at my favourite coffee shop?"

"It's your decision. What are you going to give up - them, or me? And where are the starters!" she added, cross now, wanting to win this battle, losing it would mean complete loss of face,something she couldn't bear in her social circle.

It was a huge decision and one he wasn't prepared to make there and then. Cut himself off ? From what was essentially, his whole life? What would he be left with? A woman he had known less than two months, and a collection of dinosaur bones.

He could tell she was impatient for a decision by the way she stabbed at her rocket salad; but he couldn't make a decision; could barely look at her. Meanwhile Monica, at the bar, was becoming very loud, and Ross, his own patience pushed to the limit, stood, strode over to her, and demanded that she went upstairs to her room.

"Keep your pants on, Dad! " she slurred; then nodding towards Emily she snorted, "Though I guess that's pretty likely! Ha!"

Laughing at her own joke she wobbled away and crashed out fully clothed on her bed.

The main course was a silent one. Emily, waiting; Ross, thinking.

She waved away the dessert menu and looked at him, eyes cold, expectant.

"I suppose," she sighed, "I'll feel better when I get to New York , and I can know where you are all the time."

Ross' eyes registered his doubt. "Emily, you can't know where I am all the time..." He waited for this thought to permeate. "You need to trust me. We can't be together if you won 't trust me. Can you do that, Emily? Can you trust me?"

She thought a moment; her perfect mouth twitched and for a nanosecond he thought she was about to smile...

**Thursday**

Monica woke slowly. Heavily. Regretfully. She also felt a little sick. And embarrassed.

She showered and once clean and fresh she was ready to face Ross, to see how his evening had turned out. Knocking at his door she saw immediately that he had packed his cases.

"Feeling better?" he asked.

"I don't wanna talk about it ...Going somewhere ?"

He let her in. "Mon...it's all over. Don't ask. Just get packed and I will try and get a flight home as soon as possible."

She nodded and hugged him. "Maybe now, you can talk things through with Rachel. You obviously both still have feelings for one another."

This thought sat well with him. "Yeah," he said, "Maybe I will."

XXXXXXXXXXXX


	12. Chapter 12

***a/n I am sorry I made you all wait so long and I know it is short but it's t least Out There at last and hopefully I can now write more. I've been through lots of difficult personal stuff lately and have battled to find my muse.

Special mention to Jana - love you sweetie - and Exintaris who made me feel it was worth writing this.

Merry Christmas.

***

_And you give yourself away._

_I cant live ._

_With, or without you._

The Gellers have landed.

Chandler's spine suddenly experienced a creeping shivering embodied unpleasantness which reached round his shoulders, grabbed his throat, and screamed into his face, What the Hell do you THINK you have done ?

He was gladly woken from this unpleasant reverie by Rachel's embrace.

"They'll be here anytime. Do you want Ross to find us like this ?" she gestured to their state of undress .

He bowed his head. There was a part of him, a small part it had to be said but a part nonetheless, that wanted a big scene, a climactic scene, a huge fight, like a thunderstorm in the midst of the stifling Summer heat, complete with crashes and bangs and forks of lightning , leaving a cooler fresher cleaner morning air to breathe the next day.

Not an option, he thought. At least, not yet, not yet.

"He's had enough to deal with I guess, Rache, we should tread softly ..."

From her gentle smile he knew that she felt as he did, that she understood; and in his heart and mind alone he whispered the silent thought, as he watched her angel face, "..tread softly ... for you tread on my dreams."

Until that morning, he had never been so scared.

"I'll go across the hall," he said, his tone and demeanour betraying none of his deep desperate fear."It's all cool."

She fixed his eyes with her own.

"Together," she re-iterated."We're in this together."

He stopped. He screwed his courage to the sticking place and said:

"I love you."

She looked back, clear and focussed. And she finally said it too.

"I love you, Chandler."

Pause. Deep, heady pause; thick with emotion.

She was nonetheless practical.

"But we need to dress."

Chandler was still catching his breath from the truth she had uttered,with which she had thrilled him; he nodded ; he was elated; no-one had ever loved like this, or ever would; but in effect he had a job to do, for the sake of all his friendships.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

As Chandler showered in his own apartment his head was filled with all consuming and wonderful memories mixed in a fruity sweet and sour smoothie of confusion. This was the sweetest and bitterest time he had experienced; oxymoronic , he thought, and didnt even attempt a pun at Joey's expense in his head; too much life, too too much life.

Across the hall Rachel was far calmer.

No, .

Or not. Not. Not at all.

And then - the door opened and in came the siblings, muted it had to be said in mood but she had expected that; weary, and very happy to be on home soil.

"Hey you two! " and hugs all round and smiles and oh how nice it is to be home - stuff, and OMG how huuuuge is Phoebe ? And, (from Monica) where's Chandler ?

"Chandler ?" she mimicked ..."As if I care where he is you know I dont even like him ..."

Monica looked confused for a second and she filed it away in her mind with all the other disappointments of her life, from being worse at colouring within the lines at kindergarten than her big bro, to now, the enormous fuck up that was his failed wedding.

And Rachel looked at the man she onced loved -and his sister- dolefully.

I am in love with your best friend - she heard her imaginary self saying it to Ross and relishing his reaction, especially when he said (in her mind) , was he better than me and she theoretically replied, way better, because he cares for me like you do not ....

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"Pssssssssst!"

Chandler , attempting to sleep, was suddenly woken by the harsh sound of female hissing. At first it annoyed him but then he assimilated the sounds with the tones of Rachel and he knew he loved the sound of her the scent of her the feel of her and he smiled involuntarily.

POKE!

Ouch!

He opened his eyes and there she was and momentarily he couldnt quite take it all in.

"Rache ?"

"Bing!"

She smiled; but her eyes told a story that suggested goodbye and he reacted to that.

"Rachel ?"

She climbed into his bed and they wrapped themselves around one another; making love had never been so needy,nor so poignant.

"I love you, she said.

"Ditto," he said. "But Rache .." deep sigh. " We'll never be able to tell the others, will we ?"

She considered this; there was silence.

And then.

"We're telling them. Because I love you."

Terrified as he was he he was awed by her and he accepted herwords. Because he had never loved like this before.


	13. Chapter 13

_Is she really going out with him ?_

_Is she really going to take him home tonight?_

_Is she really going out with him ?_

_Cos if my eyes dont deceive me, there's something going wrong around here..._

He may have come straight from the red-eye flight but Ross looked at Rachel with fresh corneas the very second he saw her. _She looks as though she is lit from inside_, he thought . _She's glowing_. Suddenly a mixture of hope and sadness and confusion filled him, and he looked down awkwardly at his feet like a kid asking a girl to the junior prom;he breathed deeply, and spread his fingers out before him as if to physically express , and somehow even untie, the knot that had formed deep in his belly.

He felt no better. She smiled at him,but her smile wasn't directed _toward_ him. It was self assured, he sensed ,and yet he did not want to believe that the inner light was owed to some thing - or, God help him - some _one_ else.

Rachel did indeed have an incandescent happiness : and Ross was right, only a very small percentage, an in fact minuscule percentage, of that glow was due to seeing him again.

Chandler nodded his Hi, and shook Ross' hand awkwardly which seemed odd to both of them, not that the shake in itself was awkward, but the fact that they had even shaken hands at all. Chandler shifted uneasily and imperceptibly (except to Rachel,who already knew he was terrified, and possibly to Monica who had the perceptive radar of the blindest bat at Midnight) from foot to foot, hands deep in pants pockets, not knowing what to say.

Joey high fived Ross and hugged Monica, and demanded to be reminded what the beer they had had that he had really liked that that Scots taxi driver recommended was called ?

Having established it was Boddington's, and that it was indeed available nearby, he grabbed his jacket.

To Ross' surprise and to Monica and Rachel's dismay, Chandler made the sudden decision to follow him, calling, "Hey, Joe..." and rushing out in Joey's wake.

*****

In a mock British pub near the World Trade Center, Joey with his pint,and Chandler with his Diet Coke, Chandler tried to explain (in words of one syllable or less and where possible) to his room-mate that he, Chandler Bing, useless with women, serially addicted to Janice, kisser of Joey's girlfriend, breaker of moral codes, had slept with Rachel, had been sleeping with her off and on for weeks and weeks, and that he now needed to 'fess up.

Joey stared into his pint glass while Chandler fidgeted. Truth be told, he was more concerned how Joey would react to this revelation than how Ross would.

Joey looked up; smiling, and shaking his head, he said,

"Duuuuuude!"

Chandler's eyebrows hit his hairline. This was not what he had expected to hear.

"Joe do you understand what I just said?"

"Sure! You think you're sleeping with Rachel! "

Chandler took in a deep breath. "Joe. I am - and I can't believe I'm saying this without freaking out- in a relationship with Rachel, a grown up, triple espresso, five bell chili, eye wateringly stupidly crazy in love with her relationship."

His hands gestured as was his habit and he hit the table accidentally but it looked liked he was bringing down his fist and Joey pulled back and his eyes widened.

"Man, Ross is going to kill you."

Chandler replied softly, "I know."

Joey wasn't finished. And you broke the code- again."

Joey's disappointment in him was palpable so he tried to qualify the confession:

"I love her, Joe. And she loves me, I think."

"You think?"

He knew.

"I know."

Joey's eyes were sad and Chandler hated that.

"Joe?"

Joey again shook his head. " What is it with you? "

Chandler hung his head and -momentarily at least- felt so,so sad.

"I love her." His voice was small even by his own admission, but he continued.

"And I loved Kathy, truly." He furrowed his brow and sighed deeply. "But- I really _do_ love Rache. And I want us to end up together. And I know it's going to be hard And you know what, Joe ? I don't care if it's hard. Because I can do this. I love her. I. Love. Her."

"I get it, you love her...but it isn't me you need to be going and telling, Chandler. You have to tell Ross. Before he finds out on his own."

He was right.

Chandler had jumped (well, tripped over) the Joey hurdle and although Joey's expression was now dark as a suit of Aces at least it was done; Phoebe already, knew and she didn't much care anyway; it was Ross who had to be confronted, and of course, Monica.

The way back from the City to the Village was a tense journey, neither room-mate knowing what to say, and Chandler was relieved to find Rachel hovering in the hallway when they arrived outside the apartment, having been listening out for the sound of familiar footsteps.

Seeing Joey she started to mumble a lame excuse for her presence, but Chandler put his hand on her cheek and said, "It's ok; I've told him."

She breathed a brief sigh of relief but countered this with searching Joey's face for signs of anger, or disapproval, or -maybe? -acceptance.

"Joey?" she said, a question unspoken but understood, her voice unsteady.

He looked into her eyes...

"Hey!" he said and held out his arms, hugged her. "I love you guys, I want you to be happy."

Another hurdle falteringly jumped.

"I'll see you guys later," said Joey, winking and letting himself into the boy's apartment. Rachel and Chandler hurried into the girl's place and kissed as if this was their last chance ever to do so.

When breathlessly they broke apart Chandler echoed Joey's words:

"We have to tell Ross. Before he finds out on his own."

She nodded, and added to that thought, "And Monica too. She's done a lot of thinking about that kiss you gave her."

Drunk as they were on love, these were sobering thoughts.

Because, of course: there was Monica...

..still hanging on the meaning of a lone kiss _(_which had in cruel fact -and this was something she was going to learn in the next few hours- **no** meaning; unrequited love sure **sucked**...) A kiss that in her imagination had like Topsy, grown and grown, until her own feelings were also a maelstrom and yet when she came home Chandler did his best to avoid her, and eventually when she had rested and showered and was settled on the orange sofa at Central Perk it was with simply her brother and a very uncomfortable and distracted Phoebe.

"So, Pheebs, what's happening in Phoebe world?" asked Monica, tapping Phoebe's knee , much to Phoebe's disgust.

"I don't know, what's happening to MON-I-CA ?" retorted Phoebe, attempting to return the touch but finding it impossible, like a beetle trying to roll from its back, and giving up while pretending not to. But she answered anyway.

"Yeah, well it's been lonely - I cant get too far- " insert annoyed grunt " ... and Joey's been great this last week I guess but it's not the same as all of us hanging out ... and Rachel and Chandler," she rolled her eyes in boredom,"... doing_ it _all the time -"

She stopped suddenly, jaw still open,in realisation of a horrid error, and tried -physically tried! - to snatch the words from the thin air but no, it was too late, there they were, she could even see them, like closed captioning of the most nightmarish kind, floating in the Central Perk atmosphere, luminous like _Sesame Street _and the colored letters and numbers that dance on screen to tell the kids what they just learned (_today's show was brought to you not by the alphabet but by the shit hitting the fan_!) and the words she had inadvertently let slip were mocking her.

Ross sat bolt upright and Monica instinctively turned towards him and reached out, although unsure how to soothe him with sisterly finger tips.

"Wha-what did you, erm say, er, Pheebs ?" his brow furrowed quizzically and both Monica and Phoebe could see the sudden panic in his eyes.

"Me - I didnt say anything - all invisible English - I'm pregnant I dont know what I'm saying -I 'm all over the place - I have three baby otters in my belly and I'm eating salami at breakfast and my brains are noodle soup - what do I know? "

"Well, erm, Pheebs, you, erm, sounded pretty certain ..."

She laughed a laugh that was too manic even for her own burning ears."You know me, quirky, ditzy, lalalala-"

There was a stone cold silence which lasted for what was to Ross, the extent of the Cretaceous Period until it was ended by Monica who turned on Phoebe , the vein in her forehead that they had quickly learned to fear, already a-throbbing.

"Doing it?" echoed Monica, swallowing the words, the very idea.

Ross qualified what she said.

"With each other?"

Phoebe put up her hands as if in defence. "Look, guys, you need to talk to them...not me."

"Where are they?" Ross asked,trying to manage his anger.

Monica was speechless, Phoebe muttered that she thought Chandler was still with Joey, but that she didn't know where Rachel was...

Ross was now borderline furious as decided, his mind racing, that he was collateral damage in a plot of betrayal and lies.

He was also now scrambling for his cellphone and dialling as fast as ever he had in his life.

In the midst of a wonderful but guilt ridden grope Chandler realised his cell was buzzing and somehow he broke away from Rachel, knowing that this was It.

Picking up the phone he looked at the display and glanced worriedly up at her.

He didn't need to explain, because she said, "It's Ross, isn't it ?"

He nodded. "What do I do?"

"Answer it, I guess...."

He hesitated, said, "I love you-" as if this was World's end, and took the call.

Rachel could hear the torrent of loud ranting abuse from feet away. Chandler held the phone from his ear and tried intermittently to speak but soon gave up; and then, scarily, the line went dead.

"What did he say?" was all Rachel could think of to say.

Chandler made "Well, Derrr!" gestures with his face and hands and said -

"I think - I _**think**_ - Ross knows about us....."

He grabbed her hand and made for her room. "Get a case - pack - we can be across the State line by nightfall, let's head 'em off at the pass -"

She was unmoved. "Chandler!"

Her steel kitten persona kicked in. (He forgot how terrified he was for a second because he liked it.) And moving toward him and taking his hands in hers and looking clear into his blue blue eyes, she said:

"Together."

**BANG**

The door rattled but failed to fully open as they had put on the chain when they decided to make out. Ross tried and failed to squeeze his head in the gap and pushed and pulled annoyingly until Chandler, pissed and emboldened, released the chain and in rolled a surprised Ross, flying across the apartment, dignity seriously compromised.

Ross composed himself , drew up to his full height and said -

"You -" he pointed at Rachel - "and YOU" -he pointed agressively at Chandler- "What are you DOING?"

Following on were Joey, Monica, and a struggling Phoebe, who crashed and lumbered in behind Ross.

"I love her," Chandler said, the simplest terms he could find , he only thing he could say, that he meant. "I am in love with her."

Rachel intervened, taking Chandler's hand.

"We love each other. We_ love _each other."

Ross shook his head. "It can't be true!" his voice was loud.

"Stop shouting!" pleaded Phoebe.

Chandler tried to be rational. "It's true. We love each other..."

Rachel added, "Ross, honey -"

But Ross was in no mood to be Honied...

"Don't Honey me. You lie, you cheat, you screw around together and then you ask me to freaking understand ???"

Phoebe again called - "STOP. IT ."

Ross continued. "My best friend and my ex? What is wrong with you? What the hell is WRONG with you ?"

"STOP IT!" Phoebe was shouting at her loudest now, and she felt had to try and add her piece.

"I'm sorry !" she cried. "I'm sorry! To all of you! I know it's the last thing you-"she looked at Ross and a still mute Monica-"wanted to hear and I'm so sorry you had to hear it that way from me but you have to stop screaming -and- and - - -

Oh, crap.."

There was an enormous pause which one could have said was pregnant except, except ...

"_My waters have broken, people_!"

*****

**A/N**

**To all of you keeping the faith, thank you.**

**One - maybe two, chapters left.**

**Special mentions to Jana for her constant trans-Atlantic prescence**

**And Exintaris - long time, no speak.**

**Please review -but be gentle with me :-)**


	14. Chapter 14

_This is the first day of my life;_

_Glad I didn't die before I met you_.

The hospital was clean and cold and clinical;unfortunately so was the attitude of two of his dearest friends toward him when he finally arrived, in a solo taxi. Ross and Monica,shaking their heads at him, totally in judgement, each with their own unspoken but understood agendas, hurt to the quick. Quite how this attitude was exactly fair though was something he would have to deal with separately.

His thoughts turned to Pheebs, and her-err- predicament. He wondered how it must feel to give birth three times selflessly,but it was a thought way beyond his capacity for understanding - and to be fair, he had good understanding,he decided - after all he had spent his youth massaging the egos of his dad's Vegas showboys when school was out and it was Charles' turn for custody. But then maybe that and squeezing something the size of a pineapple through a bodily pinhead wasn't exactly the same thing ...

"Chandler!"

It was Rachel's voice, sweet like honey, and he turned toward her, heart full of hope.

"Rache!"

They embraced. He buried his head in her hair and felt her body mould into his until she reluctantly let go.

"Sweetie- I have to get back to Phoebe..." she said , and he nodded,because it was right and proper, and he loved her like he had never loved anyone else in the world ever, ever, ever...

She seemed to understand him and that thrilled him as much as anything in his life ever had: that understanding, that yes, you're Chandler Bing, you're flawed but I love you for it,I love you anyway.

"Soon," she said simply,"soon." She blew him a kiss .

And then she was gone,down the hallway; and this was all huge,it was three new lives,it was his love for her, his love for his friends(even though he didn't know what Monica's problem with him was), a probable confrontation with his oldest friend,and his own life, all suddenly huge!

Too much life; too, too much.

Lurking and worrying outside Phoebe's delivery room (why could he hear that _These Happy Days Are Yours And Mine _? Why ? Was this an indication that he had, like The Fonz, jumped the shark, in his over-reaching relationship with Rachel? Had he gone to some 70s mock 50s style sitcom hell? )

He was shaken from his TV based reverie by movement and he looked up.

Ross.

"Hey...." he shuffled from foot to foot, hands in pockets, eyes searching for forgiveness even though they were in fact looking at the tiled floor.

Ross wasn't too good at the whole forgiveness thing.

"Rachel," said Ross, simply. "_Rachel_." He spoke the word, the name, as if it belonged exclusively to him,shook his head,showed his disappointment.

Chandler had to retaliate, however softly.

"Ross. It just happened. We connected. I'm sorry we didnt tell you but even we didnt know where it was going it just - just - evolved- you know how that works, right ? Evolution ? It grew. And I love her, man, I love her..."

Ross.

Chandler met Ross at age 18. In College. Chandler could have gone to Yale,or to Harvard, he was that clever, but no, he chose NYU. He couldn't be good enough, he thought, even if they said so themselves.

He would undersell himself for years to come.

But anyway, New York was his heart, and soul. And so was Rachel Green.

"You," said Ross, and then, swallowing hard, coughing slightly, "and Rachel?"

Chandler looked directly back at him. "Yes. Me and Rachel. I love her. And I think she loves me."

Ross half smiled but it wasn't a good smile. "You think?"

Chandler nodded low. "I think."

Ross shook his head. "Not good enough. You have to know. And - you can't just do this - THIS-to me."

Chandler was angered. "Maybe," he said, teeth gritted, "Maybe just maybe - this isnt for once all about you?"

Ross held up his hands. "Then who is it about?"

Chandler knew the answer.

"It's all about _her_!"

Ross seemed to hesitate in his next movement, which Chandler thought was a good thing, because he had felt that a Geller mis-timed punch might be looming in his direction.

Chandler continued. "This isn't about me. It isn't about you. It's about-" and he gestured through the slatted blinds of the labor room window where Rachel and Monica were tending to Pheebs -"It's about her." He paused. "You know I mean Rachel, right?"

Ross drew a deep breath .

"Why her ?" he asked, simply.

Chandler thrust his hands in his pockets and again addressed the floor. "Who wouldn't?"

But Ross was having none of it. "What about friendship? About the six of us? About loyalty, dignity, consideration, history, the future, the happy times we all had, the break up I had with her, how hard - how HARD- that was, and Kathy, and how you hurt Joey,how he had to take time out to forgive you, and the bad time I just had with Emily, and how Rachel couldn't face up to my wedding, and how Monica feels about you? " - he paused to register Chandler's shock -"Yes, that's what I said-Monica- this about all of us - you're hurting all of us-and you know - you know! that at some point you are going to bail on Rache because you're Chandler and that's what you do- stupid, cowardly Chandler! So do it sooner, not later, because if she gets in too deep she will be crushed again and I will- I swear, I WILL- kill you."

Unthreatened though he was by Ross the paper tiger, Chandler none the less took his sentiments very much to heart.

_-------------------------------------_

Some hours later, having skulked in a corridor and imbibed a gallon of coffee, Chandler was rewarded when Rachel emerged.

"Rache."

She turned toward Chandler. She looked tired but none the less, beautiful.

Tearfully she said-

"I'm going to be on the news!!!!"

Despite himself he smiled and gently asked, "And why is that?"

She looked at him,exhausted."She wants to keep one -one of the triplets!"

He held her close. "You know she won't."

She was nodding in his shoulder and there were tears and snot all over his shirt.

"Why are you crying?" he asked, genuinely nonplussed.

She wiped her nose on her sleeve -or maybe it was his, he didn't care by now.

"Because I love you."

He paused. "And that makes you cry?"

She smiled. "I always cry. you know that. I cry at that stupid commercial about the long distance phone calls. And _no-one _likes that commercial. I cried when Joey couldn't open the milk carton without the plastic -thing - and when Beth died in_ Little Women _- I always cry -"

He kissed her to stop the tears;she liked it. After,she thought, all it was a known fact:he had the softest lips ever.

She was crying because deep down she felt lots of things were changing, beyond her control. Phoebe may not be keeping those babes but she had had them, had made that passage from girl to mother. It was grown up time now. And for some reason that made Rachel excessively sad.

"Can I see the babies?" he asked.

She nodded. "Yes ... soon..she's talking to them now, y'know, in Phoebe's way. They're really tiny. She called the baby girl Chandler."

His eyebrows lifted but he'd pursue that later.

"Rache," he said, and his tone was serious, and scared her.

"Y-es?"

"Work called me on my cellphone." (he produced it as if to prove his point). " They want me to run the LA office."

She stepped back. She drew breath. She put her hands in the air and then to her head.

"And?" she asked, breathlessly.

"I'm gonna take the job."

**A/N**

**For those who have kept the faith, I thank you. **

**I have been blocked for a very long time... but the recent emergence of Randler fics have encouraged me to do something -anything! It's not as fully crafted, or as long, as I would like but after so long it feels goood to get something (anything!) out there!**

**At least I now know where this is going :-)**

**It would be encouraging to know if anyone's still interested.**

**Sue x**


	15. Chapter 15

_I bought a toothrush, some toothpaste, a flannel for my face;_

_Pajamas,a hairbrush,new shoes and a case._

_I said to my reflection - let's get out of this place._

Of course he had told a lie. A stupid, ridiculous, idiotic lie, born from panic, like the Yemen one he'd managed to spin to Janice,only plausible. More than that - it was wholly **possible**, but much more heart breaking. What was more, he intended to see this lie through; to actually remove himself from the equation, and maybe just maybe, if Rachel stuck with him he would know that this was all okay.

Which was why he was, next day, in front of Doug, offering to go out into the field.

Thing was,as Chandler knew, no one from an NYC building had ever - ever!- volunteered field service. The legendary case of the guy who fell asleep in a meeting and accidentally ended up in Tulsa had passed into office folklore. So much so that no one even believed it any more (though rumor had it he had had an affair with a runner up Miss Oklahoma and had made off with her in a surrey with a fringe on the top ,and now they had a dozen kids or something).

Doug's jaw dropped and his eyebrows nearly left his forehead. Chandler could practically see his boss wondering if this was a joking, butt slapping moment, but as Doug looked him in the eye it all felt palpable, real; he really **had** asked for this move. Doug always needed people willing to transfer but they never stepped into his office as sacrificial lambs like this and he almost didn't know what to say.

Chandler spoke next. "I thought, maybe, the LA office," he mumbled, hands in pants pockets, head looking anywhere but right at Doug. LA was where he had told Rachel he was heading and it was also pretty much as far away as he could get on the mainland without actually hitting the Pacific Ocean.

Doug sat back in his leather chair.

"LA's all filled up," he said. "But that aside, I gotta ask, why, Bing? You not happy here?"

Chandler considered his answer. He _was_ unhappy; unfulfilled in his work; unsettled in his personal life. He answered.

"I'm feeling the need for a challenge, sir."

Doug nodded slowly,drummed his fingers on his mahogany desk,then pointed at Chandler, and spoke, just the one word.

"Chicago."

Phoebe hated PBS.

Sesame Street in particular. Damn that Big Bird. And don't even get me started,she thought to herself, on Mister Snuffleupaguss.

One moment she had been filled with life and hormones and then -bam! - out came the babies and wham! - vanished were the hormones - and - thank you ma'am, there she was, rock bottom, sore, recovering,a belly like a deflated hot air balloon, yet with no children to nurture.

So hell, yeah, today she thought she had even better reasons than usual to hate PBS, put that under your hat and smoke it later !

She was really only watching for the chance of seeing Joey on screen in a dinner suit answering calls,because she had promised him she would tune in, and her friends meant the world to her, and she never lied.

Yet from the corner of her eye,and un-noticed by the siblings in the apartment, she sensed Rachel and Chandler were in a deep, and low voiced conversation,and quite a serious one at that. Hand gestures and all. She heard odd words - that is one now and then, not strange ones.

Suddenly Rachel walked into the kitchen area -almost like she wanted a stage - and raising her arms in ironic triumph, she screamed, "Chandler's going to Chicago!"

All eyes were instantly on him.

Monica spoke but only with a sharp monosyllable. "What?"

Ross folded his arms in judgement , looked away, and muttered something that sounded like, "Typical."

Rachel was crying. But she did,even by her own admission, cry a lot anyway.

Phoebe said, "I loved that show!"

Chandler sighed. "Not the musical, Pheebs, the Windy City..."

"Oooh," said Phoebe, turning her short spanned attention back to the TV. "Look! " she declared. "There's Joey! "

And there indeed, was Joey, all tuxed up, answering calls.

"Have you told Joey yet ?" asked Monica, furiously and needlessly plumping a scatter cushion.

Chandler conceded that no, he had not told Joey, but maybe, not all his life decisions needed to be run past his room mate first. What he didn't say was that he would take care of Joey's rent while absent. It was only right.

As Chandler shook his head he heard Monica tut-tutting to show disdain, and (but he didn't feel this) to somehow mask her sadness.

After a confused and silent hiatus in the proceedings , it was Rachel who spoke.

"What about us?"

"Yes, Chandler, what about you, and my ex-girlfriend? " intervened Ross.

Chandler was suddenly angry. He didn't really do Anger. That was an emotion for his sexy novel writing mom and his transgender dad to share. He took a deep deep breath and addressed them all the same way he handled staff meetings.

"Phoebe. Yes, Chicago, not the musical, the city. Monica. I love you. You're the sister I never had. Ross. Love doesn't always give you a choice. I wish it were different."

He turned to the TV where Joey was wrestling a phone from a more prominently placed volunteer,and spoke as if his roomie could hear him. "Joey: you'll be OK. I'll make sure."

Then he sighed and turned to Rachel.

"Rachel," he said." I have to do this. Don't cry - don't-"

She was indeed, sobbing;he half expected Gunther to appear as if by magic with a box of Kleenex.

He went to her and said so softly, softly: "Don't cry. If we can make it through this - "

Rachel apparently **did** do anger. One word anger at that.

"_Bastard_!"

Her bedroom door slammed behind her. He walked up to it and leaned against it.

"Rache?"

Even the bitter Gellers tried to concentrate on the now sound-muted TV, where Joey was to be seen gesturing wildly between a bewildered telethon host and a Tickle Me Elmo.

Rachel didn't answer.

"Rachel - I am doing this for all of us...all of us.. for you."

No reply.

He tried again. "Rachel ?"

No reply.

He tried again. "I love you."

No reply.

He hung his head low.

"Are we on a break?"

He waited.

A small voice apparently muffled by tears on her pillow replied:

"I guess we are."

His knees nearly buckled beneath him, moreso as she repeated almost imperceptibly-

" I guess we are."

_____________________________

The roar of the engines damn near deafened him. He squirmed and wriggled in his seat until the six year old sitting next to him asked him to 'sir,please sit still'

He landed, got a taxi, he found his new apartment building,he charmed the Super,he got the keys; he walked in, he abandoned his suitcase; he cleaned his teeth and flossed and rinsed, and went straight to the thankfully, ready for his arrival, bed.

_______________________________

A week in to the new shebang of a job and night after night where could you find Mister Chanandler Bong ? Well, sireee, at the bar , at_ The I's Have It ! _

_Go on now: Go!... Just turn around now, you aren't welcome anymore..._

He sat right by the bartender. The TV was always switched on and ran, endlessly it seemed, black and white movies, and now his eye was caught by an old favourite, a timeless classic.

_"Of all the bars in all the towns in all the world she had to walk into - mine."_

He looked up.

And there she was.

Kathy.

________________________________________________


End file.
